....

I love that my current yoga practice consists of lots of random handstands.

I love that there is always sand underneath my toenails.

I love that my clock is almost always ignored.

I love that my hula hoop has become my activity when floating from one activity to the next.

I love that my backyard is the beach.

I love that I feel more at home down on that sand then I have ever felt in my life.

I love that the background music to my life consists mostly of the music of my closest dearest friends.

I love that I do not have a car and that I use these legs to pedal or step me to where I want to be.

I love that I have now not only gotten rid of the word "should" but also "need". My life consists of only "wants".

I love that I have fresh gorgeous flowers blooming on my table.

I love this ink on my skin, reminding me of the power I am, the power that is in me, the power that is mine to use.

I love the spontaneous dance routines that pour out of me that out shine Flashdance for sure.

I love laughing at myself, with myself all day long.

I love that the words "YEOW" and "RAD" are part of my current vocabulary.

I love that I am not keeping track of what I eat or when I eat or how I eat.

I love the curls of my hair.

I love the glow of my skin.

I love the skin on my bones.

I love the muscle underneath my flesh.

I love who I am.

I love who you are.

I love that I am who I am and She is who She is and He is who He is.

I love this life that I have created.

I love this life that I am creating.

I love that I get to choose each moment and create each moment. Each moment is mine and yours and ours to create with it what we like.

a yogini

I thought just came to me. I am on a yoga vacation. Not a yoga vacation where you go away and practice a lot of yoga. The type where I am on a vacation from practicing yoga. Well, really I am doing yoga I am just not going to classes. I am not sitting in a set place for a set amount of time and practicing asanas. I am doing asanas, when my body craves them. I am sitting in bliss. I am taking deep breaths and coming back to my intention when my mind drifts away. I am letting go of staleness in my body and mind. I am opening my heart. I am in tune with the kundalini energy. I am one with my 7 chakras. I am grounded to the earth. I am bowing to the divine within each of us. I am on a yoga vacation. Namaste.

creation

I keep checking my arms to see if they have turned into wings, I feel as if I am soaring. I am currently sitting at my desk, which is next to the glass sliding door of my balcony, drinking my morning Mate’ and water. When I get up to use the restroom or do whatever it is I do, I find myself randomly doing handstands before I sit back down. The world belongs to me and I belong to it. Each breathe that a take helps me to grow and supports the growth around me as well. I look out and see a tree outside of my balcony. We are growing together, we are blooming together, this tree and I. What are said tree and I doing to support this growth, you ask? We are simply being. We are breathing, we are conscious, we are connected. We are touched, moved and inspired by everything that is around us.

Tears are welling up in my eyes as I type this. To an outsider, I may appear as a girl alone at home in the middle of the day in her pajamas with mussed hair, unwashed skin, and unbrushed teeth, crying in sadness or loneliness. To me though, I am the world. I am joy. I am love inspiring. I am anything and everything. From me anything can be created. This is the life I have. This is the life I was given. This is the life that I have created. My heart, my soul, my entire being is soaring.

unconditonal love

A moment in time that I witnessed yesterday at Venice Beach pier.

I tagged along on a bikeriding adventure in the morning with one of my best friends who was assisting Life Rolls On (www.liferollson.org) in bringing a surfer with a spinal cord injury out in the water to surf again (which is super amazing, but not the moment I am talking about). There were around eight to ten guys there to assist, including a small film crew. One of the guys had his dog with him. The dog was of a mid-size black and white herding breed and was eager to make friends with anyone who would throw his frisbee. When I first spotted this, I had a good laugh remembering a time I visited a friend and as soon as the dog walked up to me she almost yelled, "Do not throw the ball! If you it will never stop!" Well, this dog had no problem finding people to throw the frisbee. While her dad was on the pier accessing the water for the surf adventure the dog went from person to person as they tired of throwing it. I was stoked when she dropped the frisbee at my feet. She soon started a little cycle, this way making sure to not wear her playmates out.

Then, a whistle was let out and the dog dropped the frisbee, changed direction, leaped over a cement wall and ran into the sand to where her owner was on the pier. The pier was too tall for her to jump over, so she kept running and stopping to see if she could jump now. She gave up on the jump and ran to the start of the pier and then up it to her Daddy. Arriving at his feet with a wagging tail and kisses.

I watched all of this and said outloud, "Now, that is love." To stop everything immediately and run as fast as you can back to your loved one, simply because they let out a little call. No questions asked, just pure love, pure unconditional love.

It is that easy isn't it? Just to love.

in contentment

Today is a cuddly cozy day for me. The sun is hiding when I wake up and I choose to stay in bed and watch a movie, a nice morning treat. I get up later and bike to my local post office, my friend’s café, and to the Friday farmer’s market and then return to my cozy day at home. A little after 5pm, I crave the sand between my toes. It is a bit chilly today so I don a sweater, scarf, and my warm wooly headband. I even choose to make some fresh hot tea and bring the mug down to the sand with me.

The sky is covered in shades of soft blues and purples with bits of a rosy, baby pink popping out. The beach is near empty, only 4 guys on a far away volleyball court and a father with his waddling toddler playing near a lifeguard stand. My intention is to sit on one of the big rocks right behind my building but the sky is acting like a magnet pulling me in closer. I am walking with both hands wrapped around my white porcelain mug staring into the peaceful sky. I feel as if I am the heroine in a movie and the credits are about to role. I am gorgeous in my make-up free face with my curls catching flight in the wind. I have just conquered, I won, I came out on top. I am on top. I am perfect. I am the picture perfect poster of contentment. I feel my team of spirits walking behind me, my father, my grandmother, my dogs, my friend Janelle and on and on. All of the people that I have “lost” I feel so strongly with me.

I am still walking. I am watching the clouds shift and the colors change. I am actually for the first time watching the sunset, not looking at it but watching it. I am part of it and it is part of me. I am connected to all of my surroundings, the sand, the sea, the wind, the sky. I look up and spot the swings, a perfect place for more watching. I get to the swings and choose to face the opposite direction that I was walking in. I want to watch those clouds and colors too. As I am swinging the toddler waddles towards me, stops and stares at me as I swing, her father rushing to catch up to her. I smile at her and say hello and she continues to stare at me and my swinging self, maybe she sees all of my spirit friends too?

The little girl gets her own swing and I turn my attention back to the sky. Why is it that sunrise and sunset draw so much attention? People always love to catch the beauty of the sun coming up for the day and going down for the night. Is it because we are witnessing change? We are observing the end of one cycle and the start of a new. Or maybe it is just because they are so darn purdy!


This isn't tonight's sunset...but one I took years ago in Costa Rica

Perfect

Around the same time that I banished the word “should” from my vocabulary a new word appeared, “perfect”. Suddenly everything is perfect, and all of those perfects are said in a grateful, loving tone, not a sarcastic, eye-rolling one. My computer falls onto the floor and breaks, perfect. I get back from a walk right as the rain starts, perfect. I get to the exact midpoint of a walk and the rain starts, perfect. I miss my train by 60 seconds, perfect. I am open and receiving to whatever the universe hands me. I knew and do know that everything is perfect.

This word has suddenly re-appeared in my life full-force again (YAY!) It never fully went away, but now it is back on top, ever present in all of my day and I am happy to have it back. Life is perfect. However it comes at me, whatever it brings me, it is all perfect and I greet it with a smile and a warm hug.

to the point

In the spring of 2008 I eliminated the word “should” from my vocabulary. It happened immediately after the death of my father. I never had a conversation with myself planning to do this. It just suddenly became important for me to not use that word, ever. I feel that using the word “should” is just setting myself up for failure and guilt. I can still say the same thing and feel better about it. For example, “What should I eat for dinner tonight?” compared with “What do I want to eat for dinner tonight?” Which one is more powerful? Maybe using the “should” warrants a big salad and what I want is pizza. Well, I feel that eliminating the “should” and putting in the “want” puts me in control and gives me the ability to choose a healthy salad or pizza and not feel guilt or to feel like I am doing something because I feel I have to. It is all my choice.

That summer, I explained to friends, family, and acquaintances about my “should” banishment. Besides the fact that I wanted others to experience this newfound freedom I also wanted to explain why I sometime spoke as if I had turrets syndrome. The word would start to come out of my mouth, I would catch it and then find a new more powerful way to say it. It made me become a more mindful speaker. I was no longer able to let things roll off my tongue without thinking about them first. I became so aware of how much “should” was a part of my regular vocabulary as well as other’s.

I felt as if I was reclaiming myself and getting rid of all of my guilt. What do I want? I should do the laundry, turned into I want to do the laundry. I explained to people that in using the word “should” it felt as if my shoulders hunched in and made me feel small. In saying, I “want” or another word my shoulders are back, chest out, and I stand tall. I wanted to put a speech and presentation together and tour high schools around the country about the word “should”. I will empower the nation!

As time went along, I was able to speak without even attempting to spit out this word. Sometimes, it is still hard for me to find a replacement for it, mainly because that means taking a more powerful stance. I can recall I few times on tour the past year when I fought with myself about using it when asking our tour manager questions. He is the head hauncho on tour and was afraid to be to upfront and blunt with my words and suggestions.

The other day during the drive to San Diego, when I just wanted to vomit everything up. I decided that I am going to eliminate all of the filler words that I have been using. Words like “think”, such as “I think that I want to stay in tonight.” From now on I am choosing to say, “I want to stay in tonight” instead (if that is what I want of course). I know what I want and what I don’t want. That word and others are just fillers to soften the blow and they take power away from me and my choices. Also, eliminating these words sets up the people that I am talking with to make more powerful choices too. For example saying, “Do you want to go to Tawney’s yoga class in Santa Monica before Gina’s pot-luck on Sunday?” Instead of saying, “Do you think you might want to go to Tawney’s yoga class in Santa Monica before Gina’s pot-luck on Sunday?” I am saying the same thing. The first example is just to the point, while the second tiptoes. I am choosing to be direct and hopefully this lets the other person be direct in their answer.

All I know is that eliminating these words makes me feel freer, more in control, and more honest.