Open Hearted

After I lost my father last year, my amazing astrologist and friend Marlana told me to make sure to do heart openers. Heart openers, heart openers, heart openers! I was closing myself off from family, friends, the world around me unintentionally. I was sharing with friends and family how I was feeling, I was dealing with it, but I was lost and alone at the same time.

By giving myself a pause into a heart opener, I was able to recharge, to let life flow, to open up what was locked inside of me.

I was reminded of this today. I have being doing more resting and recovering this week in between driving to visit friends and family and I got more out of touch with yoga than I would have liked. This morning, as I was feeling rested and healthy again, I headed to a double header of yoga. Two classes in a row. The first teacher asked if there were any requests and I said, Yes, heart openers! She took that request on and WOW did I feel it. I was even getting dizzy when coming up to stand! That hasn't happened in forever. It felt so good to unlock whatever junk I was holding onto.

Opening my heart physically moves a lot mentally and emotionally too. When I open my heart I really presence love. I give up fear. I give up being right. I am exuberant. I am love.

Present

I have gotten so present to the fact of my being present.

I took a partially unexpected road-trip last week and I really was able to be present for each drive, not just wanting to arrive at my final destination but being with the drive.

When I figured out that I had never booked one of my flights, my immediate reaction was to book a car, no stress, I thought it was hilarious. It all works out how it is supposed to be, right? When I told family and friends that I was now driving 10 hours instead of flying, I had mostly reactions of that is horrible! My response was, why, I think it is hilarious it will be great. Now, I did not necessarily want to drive 10+ hours but that was what was happening, so I took it on as awesome. And you know what? It WAS!

While I was driving I got so present to how easy it is to drive across the country. There are signs everywhere marking the way. Lines on the road showing your proper place. Food, drink, restrooms, stores carrying anything you may or may not need. I was so provided for on the drive. If my car had broken down, all I had to do was dial a number and people would come to help me. If I got tired I could pull over and get a hotel room. The ways we are provided for are endless.

People are always commenting on how much I travel and asking me which is my favorite place, are you looking forward to such and such place, how was.....?????? I am often at a loss for words when I get asked these questions and I realize now that it is because I am present to each place that I am in when I am there. I am not in Cincinnati daydreaming back to Maui or imagining myself in South America, I am in Cincinnati. That doesn't mean that I didn't have an amazing time on my previous trips or that I am not looking forward to ones to come, it simple means I am present to each day, each location. I believe Cincinnati and Tallahassee all have something to offer me just as much as Maui.

I am grateful for what I have. I am always focused in the present moment where I have everything wonderful I desire, I am filled with gratitude.

Generous

Wow.  Here it goes.

I have contemplated starting a blog for some time now, but I have always stopped myself with the usual self-doubt.  Do I have anything valuable to share?  Who am I to share my thoughts? Will anyone care? Am I a good enough writer? BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

I recently thought maybe I will start a blog when I leave on my journey to India.  That will be a good way to share with all of my loved ones at once. But, this week I realized that I am already on my journey.  My journey isn't going to start when I land in India, it is happening now. Everyday, every hour, every moment is all my journey.

In an exploration today in my Cafe Gratitude Logbook it asks, "What act of generosity could you take on today that would be a stretch to you."  Starting this blog is my act of generosity.  In this I am being generous to myself, I am affirming that I am worthy of sharing myself, I am worthy of the confidence it takes to put words out into this space for all to share.  I am also being generous to my community by pulling back layers of myself and letting my community in to my life in a new way.

This year I learned a lot about myself, I was able to name several "coping" mechanisms that I used to get to where I am today.  I realized that I had never fully accepted love, even in the form of a thank you.  I,  also realized that I have gone through life telling myself that I don't need people, that I can do it all on my own.  I believe by sharing myself on this blog I will be able to LET GO of those old ideas even more and really open myself up even more to the love I have to offer, and the love that is available for me to receive.

In giving I presence wholeness for myself and all.