Saturday, July 31, 2010

the game of life

Wow.  Life has been happening!  Steady and fast and slow and...just happening!  I have had a lot to share, but just haven't sat myself down to do it.  I just popped on my own blog page here to grab a link to add to my website (which will be premiering in a week!) and stopped myself to just ramble.  I wasn't planning on writing, but it has been a while so I made up that it would be wrong for me to be here and not post anything.

I am doing it.  I am moving to NYC!  August 17th I take flight.  I don't know how I am get my belongings out there, to ship or not to ship that is the question.  I am creating my website and I am being me.  I am being the Joyologist, what I have created that to be.  I am selling myself as myself and who I want to be in this world.

I noticed yesterday as I was driving and reflecting on my week that I really, truly am confident as who I am declaring myself to be.  I am actively choosing who I am for myself and for others.  I am creating a life of service for myself.  A life where I am in service and I am cultivating my own soul at the same time.  I have found the balance in taking care of myself and being able to fully support others.  I am the Joyologist, in heart, in soul, in employment and I get to choose what that means or doesn't mean.  This is who I choose to be and I am fully supported by my choice.

This life really is a game.  I am playing this game full out.  I am putting it all out there, all hands on deck, all of my cards are on the table.  There is no failing in this game of life.  One path may lead to somewhere unexpected, but the game is not over.   This game is my game, this game is your game.  We are all winners in this game and we get to pick the prizes, too.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


I had a dream last night and I don’t remember what happened in it but I remember faces. I remember seeing the faces of people that I love that have passed away. I saw them because I wanted to.

I remember feeling this energy and glancing back and seeing a man. I thought is that Dad? Sometimes while dreaming, I know that I am in a dream and so I test to see if I can make things happen. Is that my Dad? I want it to be. Dad, will you show up? And it worked. I then passed a blond girl and thought is that my friend Janelle? So, it turned into her. She didn’t have as many tattoos so I thought is that really Janelle or do I am just really trying for her to be? I didn’t ask outloud but she heard me and understood me. She answered, “It is me, I just don’t have all of them yet, from when you knew me.” I kept walking, encountering a few more loved ones that have left this earth and they just smiled at me as I went along.

They are with me. I am protected. I am safe. I am supported. They are a part of me. I can call on their spirits and they will appear, in dreams and in life with eyes wide open. We are all connected. Our spirits live on.

Friday, July 16, 2010

my fairytale

I have been having a love affair with my laptop, or more so the internet.  I am search, search, searching away for a NYC sublet.  I am creating my website (which will be launching soon at  I am looking into flights, ways to move, subletting my place, blah, blah, blah. 

It all works out.  It always does.  Life surprises me always and so often that I have learned to call out what I want, to work for it, but not worry about it.  I have several ideas floating around as to how to make my move.  I look into them all, and the right one is then presented to me at the optimal time.

I am creating my fairytale life.  The life that I have always dreamt of without knowing exactly what it was.  I am creating a website that is me.  It is who I am, it is me being of service, it is me assisting people to live a life that they love and to love who they are in all of the ways that I live my own life. I am moving to a city that I have always said that I want to live in.  I am going to live in my dream and it is going to fully support me. 

It may be a slow start or may take off right away, whatever happens,  it will be in the plan that I get to peek at, but don’t get full access to.  Someone above, somewhere beyond holds the blueprint for my life and my heart guides me to it.  Whatever happens is a stepping stone, a learning experience, it is all part of the game of life.

What is your dream?  There is no time like now to go for it.  Make it possible, because it is.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

my own vehicle

Being back on my bicycle is such a new experience. It is as if I am a new person on it. Well, I guess I am. This person has ridden this bicycle 545 miles from San Francisco to Los Angeles with 1900+ other cyclists to raise money and awareness for Aids.

This person experienced 11 hour days of peddling, multiple blow outs, strong head winds, rolling mountains, rubbing brakes, and more. This person slept in a tent on cement grounds on top of a yoga mat and woke up at 5am to pack up the tent and get back on the bike.

This person then hopped directly on a red-eye flight to Chicago to go on tour with Colbie Caillat in support of Sheryl Crow and Lilith Fair for a job that I created as JOYOLOGIST. This person has been blown away with inspiration from so many people since I left Los Angeles on June 5th with my 2-wheeled friend.

I knew that I could do it. I knew that my old road bike and my un-trained self may not be the fastest, but I knew that we would make it. I said that I would be fine to fly straight to a new tour after riding a bike for a week solid, I believed it, and I was.

Was it hard? Was I tired? Yea, sure, but what is hard? What is tired? It is all subjective, right? That ride was really hard, it was, but it was also just a casual bike ride that happen to last 7 days long. Was I tired? I must have been because I slept so hard when I got to the tour bus, but if I know that I have to keep going and I want to keep going then I can.

It is all an adventure. It is all what we make it.

So now I am home, back to my bicycle as my transportation after being carted around by tourbus, car service, venue runners, hotel vehicles, and taxicabs. I was a bit hesitant to get on my bike, or better wording is, I was a bit lazy to get back on my bike, but it is how I get around so it was inevitable.

People use the expression, “it’s just like riding a bike,” once you know how, you always will without thinking about it, right? I definitely felt that but in such a powerful way. The way that I ride that bike now feels so different. We are one. We are connected.  I am a motor vehicle.

One of my favorite memories of Aids Life Cycle is riding south on the 101 freeway from Lompoc. There was a huge descent after climbing to 1300 ft. elevation it dropped back to zero in less than 5 miles and we were riding on a main highway single file outside of the white lines with major traffic. It was scary, but in the most enlivening way possible for me. I felt at home there passing fellow cyclists with cars and semi-trucks whipping past me.  It was powerful.  I am powerful.  We are powerful.

I am my own vehicle.

tapped in.

My emotions are here today. I am feeling in my entire body, in the most amazing of ways. I am so inspired, by so many around me. To do what? I don’t yet know. I have ideas, oh so many ideas, but it doesn't even matter. This energy that I am feeling is outrageous because I am tapped into it, I am open to it.

I cross paths with a lot of people that are closed off. People that don’t look me in the eye. People who’s mouths are constantly turned down. Does that effect me and my energy though? Not one single bit. I still strive for eye contact each time I pass them and give them my genuine smile no matter how many times I pass them. Do I expect them to stop and say hello, no. They are allowed to be in there own closed down world. But, I am here smiling, open to them.

I am not better than them. They are not better than me. We are in the same world on different paths in different realms. I am open to all no matter what stage they are at.

the voice that I hear and listen to.

I love the voice in my head that talks back to the other voice in my head.  One voice just said, if I didn’t have the internet what would I be doing?  As I lay in my bunk aimlessly refreshing facebook and twitter.  A voice said, “ I miss reading.”  So then a voice answered, “So, read, then…”  It is pretty easy. 

A common response to someone saying, “oh I was just talking to myself, “ is well, as long as you are not answering yourself it is all good.  Well you know what?  I love that I answer myself!  Is it the devil and the angel that are battling?  I won't label them that but I love that both are there and maybe there are more than two.  I welcome them, they are all parts of me.  I let them guide me.

It is similar to asking my best friend for advice.  I ask myself.  I really ask myself and I really listen to the asking.  Then, see what comes up.  What do I want?  It is so easy, but sometimes it is made so hard!  I choose to listen to myself and see where I guide myself.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

the change that I want to see in the world.

I am back from tour. I am obsessed with music once again. I was re-born to its inspirational powers. I felt the music. I felt the energy. I felt the love. I felt the joy. Music that maybe wasn’t my favorite of styles and sounds I was able to feel and boy, did I feel.

I am re-energized in so many ways. I want to be a part of it. I am a part of it. I want to touch the world and I thought how? How do I influence the world? What can I do? Am I doing enough? How can I be more of service?

What I saw, what I got, what I feel is that being love does make a difference. It really does. Being a complete open energy that does not take negative energy on, being the warm smile that is always available does do something. Yes, I did do more than that. Yes, I am capable of more than that. But, I 100% I have my proof now that I make a difference by being me, by being a grounding, loving, open energy and this only makes me more available to be inspired which then turns into me being Love Inspiring.

I think it is true. Scratch that, I know it is true...It works, it spreads. A genuine smile for no foresee-able reason to someone that I don't know does have an effect on people.


My most recent tour family doing the pre-show huddle.