Part of it all.

I have just gotten off the bus in Calgary after a long two day drive. It is 9pm and the sun is still out. I have walked 20 minutes to a quaint vegetarian restaraunt that was recommended to me. Sitting here, at dinner alone, people watching and being with fresh faces in a fresh town are moments that I feel tears. Not tears of loneliness or sadness. Tears of pure joy. Of pure astonishment of all that life has to offer. Getting to be in the backgrounds of peoples lives. Getting to see people on dates with friends and lovers. People walking their dogs and riding their bikes. Rowdy people at sports bars. Party buses roaring by. Elegant people at tapas and wine bars. I get to be a part of it all.

Random conversations with hosts, awkward moments with waitresses, catching the eyes of other solo diners. Wondering if people think I'm lame because I am typing furiously into my blackberry and then letting go of that wondering and any wondering of what people may be thinking of me. I am hearing glimpses of conversations as people walk by and hearing the emotions of their voices. We are all expressing. We are all living.

Almost every city I'm in I think its so cute here! Then, almost immediately I think Wow! That guy lives here. People live here and may never leave here. Wow. I am blessed to get to experience so much. A friend asked me via email if I get lonely on the road, being away from my friends. How can I be lonely when there are amazing people everywhere?

someone who matters.

How lucky are we to have found each other?  How lucky are we to have lived this life?  How lucky are we to know what we know?  How lucky are we to get to do this all?

How can I define who I am, without you?  You have done everything for me, just in you being you.  You may have been a big part of my life or I may have never of had a conversation with you, but you have helped to form who I am. 

Your image, your clothes, your taste, your voice, your words, your laugh, your being has made me who I am, because of you I form myself.  You may have done this unintentionally, in most cases that is so, but you are an effect on me and on the world at large in so many ways.

Often, I imagine myself as an ant that barely shows up for anyone, but how do I know that?  Everyone may actually see me, even when I am not seeing them.  Someone is always watching, someone is always listening, even if that someone is only myself.  How do I want to show up?  For you?  For her?  For him?  For them?  For me?  Who I am being for myself and for you, because I matter and so do you.

a message from the universe

Hello all. I have so much to write about, but have not given myself the time to do so! It will be coming soon. I sent an email to a friend today, for no reason at all and as I re-read it I realized this can apply to us all. So, read this as if I sent it direct to you.

Just a friendly reminder from me (and the universe). I am not sending this for any reason at all, except that I want to.

YOU are such a bright, glowing light. YOU are confidence. YOU are passionate. YOU are love. YOU are compassionate. YOU are strength. YOU are warmth. YOU are inspiring. YOU are the most beautiful expression of yourself and I truly see this all and it is AMAZING!

Life is an adventure, it is a game for all to play. There may come times when it feels very serious, but that is what people are making it. I say there is no such thing as a mistake or mess-up it is all what it is and a beautiful method of learning what works for each of us today.

There may come times when life feels like a lot of work, and maybe it is, but you can choose it as fun, as a game, as a chance to inspire people to take their own lives in stride and live it full out. You can do that all just by showing up as yourself.

Each day is different. There is no such thing as perfect and at the same time everything is perfect. I believe that we are constantly discovering ourselves and that is one of the many, many things that makes this life AMAZING!


So lets just enjoy it!

enough.

Am I enough? Am I serving a purpose? Am I being of service? Am I who I want to be? Am I who I say I am? Am I confident? Am I strong? Am I empowering? Am I love inspiring? Am I just here? What am I?

Asking myself these questions is great as long as I answer myself and create what I want from my answers? I am doubting myself, yes? My expectations of what hole I would be filling may not be matching up exactly as I planned, but am I serving a purpose? YES. Expectations are changeable. They are not fixed. I am open to what is here. I am stepping in to serve where I can.

By asking myself these questions, I am calling myself into a higher form of action. Questioning can be good, but questioning can be bad. I will use my questioning to be a stand, a stand for love, a stand for grounding, a stand for anything that is possible and what may be seen as impossible.

I am enough. I am serving a purpose. I am being of service. I am who I want to be. I am who I say I am. I am confident. I am strong. I am empowering. I am love inspiring. I am!

Expectations are changeable. Expectations are an unnecessary necessary. I tell myself to not have expectations, but expectations happen. What is important is for me to know that those expectations don't mean anything. They do not need to be met. They are just a plot created in my mind. I accept what shows up and I be who I want to be in it. I create my thoughts. I create my speech. I create my actions. I create my beliefs. I create my attitudes. I create it all. I create that I am enough and I will step into I am enough and more.