Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Plenty of time.

Whew! I have a lot going on right now...or at least I am creating that I do. Okay, I do, I do. I just got back home after enjoying a few full days and nights away celebrating life with friends old and new. I had a great time being fully present with my surroundings and who I was surrounded with. So, in that I didn’t make any time to take care of stuff that I have on my to do lists of life. Ideas kept coming up for me, so adding more to my to do list.

I was so excited to come home last night and to know that I had today for myself, that I don’t have to be anywhere today until 5:30pm. I wake when I want to. I have my kitchen to feed me. I have Internet and silence for phone calls. Yay to having my own little space and getting to be in it.

My to do list is circulating in my head. I have so many ideas, people to contact or respond to, creations to develop and then the cleaning, laundry, organizing, bill paying, just stuff of all varieties. I let myself lie in my bed and be cozy with a movie after waking up early. I was excited to be able to sleep in my own bed, so I will allow myself to lounge in it longer, to have a proper reunion.

I am having moments of overwhemedness. I want to take care of this, research that, settle this, and I really want to just have a cozy, lazy day too. I found myself going back and forth between taking care of stuff and lounging without thinking too hard about it. Even right now, I just said to myself, “Why am I writing this right now!?!?!?! I have so much to do!” I am writing right now because I want to write right now though. I have been wanting to do yoga or go for a run, I have the urge to exercise, but same thing, I tell myself I have too much to do, I can’t go exercise. I can’t go relieve stress and work stuff out, I have stuff to do.

Just writing this out right now, is allowing me to breath deeper, it is allowing the stress of “I have so much to do!” to melt away. Yes, I am creating that I have a lot to do, a lot that I want to do, but taking care of myself in the mean time will help it to get it all done. I am choosing to balance the wants of wanting to get outside for exercise and fresh air and wanting to cozy up in bed with a book with wanting to cross off items of the ever-growing to do list. It is all going to get done and I am going to feel great because I am taking care of myself and my list!

I bet that now that I am going to allow myself these wants that I will get time back because I won't be trying to work at my to do list with my mind constantly going back to "I want to do yoga". I am giving my mind over completely to what I am doing in each moment, no matter what is. Whether I am walking on the beach, doing a headstand, hula hooping, working on a my website, creating joyology, and on and on.

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