Thursday, September 30, 2010

an owner of my life

Ownership.  Of my life.  I have it.  And I feel it.  I don't exactly have a definition for you of what that means to me, but that is what just dawned on me.   It is 12:38PM EST time, I am in the front lounge of our tour bus that is still parked at the college in Newark, DE that our show was at tonight.  The drivers will be arriving soon.  Band and crew is mingling in the parking lot and on the other busses.  I have washed my face and brushed my teeth.  I don't choose to go to my bunk until the bus starts moving so I am catching up on the internet world.

I open a bottle of wine to have a glass, take one sip and this is what comes to me. I have complete ownership of my life.  Will I tour again next year?  Will I create a TV show? Will I tour next year and then create a TV show?  Will I write a memoir of the random stories of my life?  I am content with this questioning for myself.  I know it will all work out perfectly.

I will return to my new home of NYC in 2 weeks without a home and I am not worried at all.  I will find the perfect apartment just for me within days of my return.  I just know it.

I didn't expect to go on tour, but then tour consumed me.  Not in a bad way, but in a way that shows me how much I really choose to be present to each task I take on. A swirl of chaos may surround me but I am present to it all and it does not overwhelm me.

Chaos and change are so normal to me that I don't know how to define them any more.  I forget that the qualities that make up me, may be different than the qualities that make up you.  When I do become present to them, it doesn't make you any smaller though.  You have your qualities and I have mine.  We all have room to grow.  We all have things to learn.  We all have lives to lead.  And we all live them, or I sure hope that we do!

I take ownership of my life to the fullest.  I take 100% responsibility for all communications, mis-communications, for all choices, for all indecisions.  I take ownership  for all of my life.

No comments:

Post a Comment