I am perfectly content and I am perfectly still. I am sitting on my yoga bolster, on top of two yoga mats that create a makeshift rug. I lean back against my over-sized floor pillows that I have propped against the wall with the blanket I bought in India thrown across me. I am cozy. I am still. It is not just that my body in motionless and that my sweater and the blanket are supplying me with the perfect amount of coziness, my brain is still, too. Wow, does that feel amazing and now that I am present to it, I know it has been a very long time since this happened last, this stillness.
I have been taking some amazing yoga classes lately, honestly, the best in my life. Yesterday’s started out with the teacher saying he was going to kill us. That he really wanted a part of us to die today. He said he was going to push us. He kept repeating it, “I want you to die today." He said that he wanted us to transcend and in order to that a part of us must die.
His class was hard, he did push and yet, I have never felt more peaceful. His push allowed me to push myself past all of my thoughts, to push past pain and really commit. I knew that I was in control of mind and that it was not controlling me. I was able to fully be there and to smile with the grace the entire time as sweat dripped off me and into my eyes. I was able to fully be there, even with my muscles burning and my breath never stopped. I was fully present.
I know that I can take it, whatever it may be. I am a warrioress and not one that is bound in armor with knives in hand ready to battle. I am the warrioress that is completely vulnerable and that only makes me stronger. I am strong, I am passionate, but I am also open. I fight back, but with compassion. My warrior powers rest in the fact that my heart and my soul shine through every fiber of my being.
You can break me, because breaking me, just opens me more. Parts of me will die and new parts will be birthed. I am not defined. I am not cast yet. I am evolving before your eyes and before my very own.