Friday, February 18, 2011

I am being blessed with imperfect skin

Just now, I was in my bathroom putting on my new W3LL Narcissist Stick Foundation (thanks to No More Dirty Looks for introducing me).  I caught myself in the mirror and with no pre-meditated thoughts, said outloud, “I am blessed with imperfect skin.”   I paused, hearing what I had just said and thought, wow that is true.

I regularly say that I was blessed with fibroymalgia, because it made me truly listen to my heart.  I was always in so much pain physically that I could not stand to carry around emotional pain, as well.   I noticed that when I was in situations that I did not like, working jobs that I did not like, or when I was holding things in that my pain multiplied. Really, the pain was always there, but when I was I doing things that I loved it was easy to ignore.

At the age of 15,  after hitting an ultimate painful low, emotionally and physically (I was still undiagnosed at that point)  I started to completely tell the truth, to speak my truth.  I chose to tell my parents what I was really up to on the weekends, when I said I was spending the night over my friend, Ali’s.  I chose to speak up in high school, to not be afraid of being disowned by the “cool” kids.  I said what I thought, even if it was uncomfortable.

Over the years, I have committed to this.  It is not always easy to speak up, but I have to.  My body won’t let me get away with not.  Sometimes, I don’t even know what it is, but I feel the pain, the anxiety in my body and I know, there is something that I am not saying.  There is something I must get clear about.

So, no matter who it is with, a top artist that I am working for, a tough guy boss, a friend who I looked up to, my parents, a love interest,  or even myself, I have to speak up.  My body won’t let me play games.  My body won’t let me fake it.

Today, when “I am blessed with imperfect skin” came out of me, I paused to ponder that.  “Whatever do you mean, Tricia?” I asked myself.   I have always battled acne prone skin.  It runs in my family.  I have tried all sorts of things.  I have accepted it.

I don’t wear makeup everyday anymore, sometimes I go weeks without.  I walk just as tall with my imperfections covered as I do with them bare for all to see.   My skin, does not define me.  Perhaps, I have been blessed with my skin for me to see that my true beauty lies within, and from there shines out.  Perhaps, I have been blessed with my imperfect skin to teach me to love and accept all imperfections, internal and external.

Do I want clear skin with no visible pores and no signs of scarring?  Abso-freaking-lutely!  Do I try out new products, get facials, use purifying masks?  Of course, but I am not caught up in “if only I had clear skin”.  I accept what is.  I accept who I am, scars, blemishes in all.  The ones on my face and the ones on the inside, too.

What blessings can you find in your own life?

1 comment:

  1. How nice that I re-found your blog! Welcome back to my internet routine! :)