Wednesday, December 23, 2009

a lover of my physical body as it is right now!

I bought this shirt that I love from my favorite store, Lululemon, a few weeks ago. I fell in love with the shirt when it first came out, but did not like how it fit me. When running super early to meet a friend in Santa Monica a stumbled into the store and saw the shirt on sale. I decided to try it on again and loved it this time! I asked myself if I really needed a new shirt after giving away most of my closet in the previous weeks. Will I wear this in India? I convinced myself that it was necessary and that yes, it would come along in my backpack to India.

The next day I was getting dressed for my day and grabbed my new purchase to put on. I was so excited, I mean this is a shirt I had wanted months ago. I slipped on some jeans and went to the mirror... The horror! Oh no, it did not look nearly as amazing on me as it did in the dressing room! Maybe it was the yoga pants I was wearing when I tried it on, the lighting, the mirror, or even my mood that convinced that me the shirt was flattering?

I scrambled through the rest of my packed bag for a different shirt to wear, but was not into anything I found. I really loved the shirt I had just bought, but did it make me look fat? Wait, stop....What did I just say? What did I just think? What happened to loving my body right now as it is, because that is what I am right now? I may want to be thinner, I may be fleshier then I think I usually am, but even if I start to eat less and exercise more, I still look like this today.

So, I wear the shirt, and I love the shirt and I love myself right then and there. But, the challenge does not stop there. Everytime I put on that shirt, I have a little fight with myself. I love the shirt. It feels so cozy, It fells good on, it does fit well, but when I look in the mirror the judgements come on strong! I turn from side to side for a better angle, I try a different undergarment, etc, etc. Then that voice pops back in, "this is how your body looks today, what are you going to do?' , and over and over again I get to choose to love myself right now inside and out.


  1. I love that you can catch yourself and start over! WHERE do those awful thoughts come from anyway????

  2. Why do skinny people always think they're fat?
    Come on... u look great on your shirt!
    Maybe you were skinnier before but it doesn't make u fat right now!
    Anyway have fun with your shirt!!

  3. daaaamn. you look pretty amazing. tell that imaginary voice in your head he/she is WRONG. everytime you hear that voice imagine a game show buzzer going off saying "sorry you're wrong"

  4. You know that moments you have when you know what you're thinking is wrong but yet you think it.. like you need someone to tell you HEY you're wrong!.
    I had that moment today.. and you just gave me the HEY reply.
    Once again.. u're my light in the dark.

    I won't say you look amazing cause you already know.
    So thank you for reminding me that I love myself. Now. The way I am.

  5. It doesn't matter your weight, what is really important is how you feel 'cause you'll transmit that to others/us.

  6. You look wonderful...and the shirt rocks.

    BTW, twenty-five pounds (roughly a few months) ago, I began to awaken each morning and thank my body for supporting me in anything that had to do with living and moving through this world. It rewarded me with rich energy, a new outlook and new wardrobe. I found myself inspired to change some habits that I had never been inspired to engage in...what we say to our bodies, especially as women, is critical to our spiritual well-being.

  7. ...and I do want to add, it wasn't about losing weight. It was about creating balance between my mind and my body. I am at a weight now where I feel my body works most optimally! :)

  8. Good for you love yourself for you. You project out what others see. Don't let others jaded image of beauty, be your image of beauty. We are all gorgeous... so show your stuff...... love your stuff