Sunday, January 17, 2010

Beyond India.

I did get my refund! (well it is being processed, but I got approved) and went ahead and left the Ashram yesterday to free up my bed, as there were people checking with no room to put them anywhere and I was ready to go, especially since I could not eat. I got to the beach town of Varkala at about 6pm. Taking a rickshaw for an hour to the train station and buying a ticket for the next train north, hoping that was possible. The train was packed in, but I got a window. It was crazy to watch the passing houses and how different they were in so close quarters. I would see a beatiful new 2 story brigh yellow modern house and then little huts as big as a handicap bathroom made with bamboo. There also brick houses, but with palm fronds for a roof.

I saw an Ayervedic doctor at the Ashram before I left who gave me a tonic and capsules to take 3 times a day for my parasite. He said it will be gone in one day. I did have to get up to go to the toilet all night again, though and as I sit here I am trying to not go in my shorts. I ate thai food here last night and today which is funny because I told my Asrham roomie 2 days ago I was craving thai noodles, so there you go! I guess it is not just the Indian food at the Ashram that was not appetizing to me anymore, but all local Indian food. I was even afraid to order Briyani, which is just rice.

I am still having feelings of why am I here? and a bit lost on myself. A friend in San Fran disturbed my trip by replying to an email I had sent to my friends (mostly my last blog) offering for me to come be his roommate in San Fran starting in Feb. and to maybe train to lead workshops with him and that really excited me to the point I am almost wanting to leave here to go do that right now (or for February). Not even about the workshop part, but living in San Fran now. That is always where I thought I would move after San Diego and it now seems funny that after being introduced to that community that I didn't think of it. And of course how much would I love to help the Cafe Gratitude community! I was even pushing for another friend of mine to buy the house next to the Be Love farm so that i could go live in it and take care of that property, so that I could be up there with them, learning from them!

Maybe I needed to do this, to come here to see that what I really want is back there! It is so me. I did come here with no expectations and no plans. I didn't even look up anything. So, maybe I can just follow my heart and what excites me now. Man, living without a rulebook is kind of hard. Well, only when I start to think about what everyone else will think.....and the judgements. But, I guess I am really the only judge of myself and I think yes, I am crazy, but what feels right to me is to to San Fran!

But it is only 7am here and I have really not experience anything here. I do like it here, I am just wondering if I have traveled enough already in the last year. Do I really need to do this? But I am already here so I might as well, right? But do I need to stay for months like I had planned? I could just merely visit here for a few days, visit a few other cities that have called to me for a few days too and then come back, right? And yes, I love Bali (where I was planning on going next), but it will be there later and a lot my closest friends love Bali and we could go together. I really barely traveled with others for vacations, mostly on my own, but I think I would love that now.

So, maybe I will make it back to be Jon's roommate for Feb? I am going to walk the beach and do some yoga, maybe that will spin me on a certain path.

Ok, ok......I am leaving my room and going for a walk!

-----So, as I was gettting changed to leave my room, a voice inside of me screamed "I'm moving to SF!" and as I walked along the lovely town and beach it kept repeating itself and I was and am all lit up with excitement! I want to do this! I want to be in San Fran! I realize that being homesick is wanting a home.

So India and beyond turned into a short trip and the beyond turns out to be San Fran. Even during my short stay though, India gave me a lot and preparing for this trip gave me a lot. It got me to move out, give up a bunch of junk, release my made-up duty of "caretaker". It inspired me to visit friends all over the US before I left, thinking I may not see them for a very long time. So, this trip, India has given me more than enough and I am seriously so grateful for each moment of it.

So what if I had to travel around the world to realize what I want and don't want. It is so worth it.

Happy hands are back!

---now off to the toilet.

Happy hands are back! and I am laughing my head off.<


  1. You are awesome! Nobody will judge you, they will just be thrilled you are back! And I thin your friends would love joining you to Bali and experience it with you.

    Hope the toilet does not need to be used so much now! Have a great trip to other towns, or strait HOME to San Fran :D

  2. great read! i admire your balls to just up and leave and do as you please! excuse the expression but well done! great stuff

  3. IMHO, yours is such a beautiful example of why life is so full of contrast. So full of things we don't want but end up experiencing to draw us closer to what we really do want and who we really are. How nice of the Universe to disguise Itself in your friend and his email.

    Like Jackie said: I admire your balls! :D

  4. Most people who put off traveling "because it will always be there" never end up making it to the places they want to go.

    If I were you, if you have the means and an opportunity to visit some of the places you've always wanted to visit... GO FOR IT NOW.

    Places like Bali, India, etc. are much more likely to change (for the worse). San Francisco, on the other hand, is much more likely to stay the same.

    Hence is it more important to go to see San Francisco NOW or to see some of these more exotic places that might be quite different if and when you ever get back to them?

    Don't look bad 20 years ago and say "I wish I would have visited [insert place name] when I had the chance..."

  5. "So what if I had to travel around the world to realize what I want and don't want. It is so worth it."

    so worth it Miss T

    have a beautiful day chica ♥

  6. living your life without a rulebook and letting love lead you is such an inspiration. something i have always wanted to do, but haven't been able to find the courage and i'm afraid to think of what my family may think.

  7. You made me think about a lot of things! OMG!! I feel so peaceful and happy!!!

    Thank you, thank you, thank you so much!!!

    I can feel love!!!