Friday, January 22, 2010


Ahhhh! MMpfff! Wah!!! These are sounds that have been escaping from me in the last day. I am not better. My stomach feels like there are little beings knawing in lining the of my intestines. I feel them from right under my ribs to way down low. It is not really a pain or cramp, but very uncomfortable. I have been feeling best during the hours from 3am-7am. My stomach will still hurt, but my body feels more alive during those hours. It almost makes me feel like I want to run, but I don't try it.

Yesterday, I went with my mom and my 6 year old niece to run a few errands and got so worn out it was crazy to me! I felt like I had been out all day and then realized we had only gone to the bank and fedex, where I didn't have to wait in any lines at all. We then went to the suburban American holy grail of Costco, but we were maybe only there for 20 minutes. I felt so week and worn out! When we got to the car, I could not even hold my head up. Then my speech and thoughts started to slow so much that it felt almost stroke like. Ask my friend Mona, who called me on the phone. She kept thinking the phone service was going out between my syllables, but that was merely how they were coming out of my mouth. I actually found it amusing, but then started crying when I hung up the phone. I make up that I was just scared and worn out.

While I was having those stroke-like moments though, I thought Wow, I really am lucky for my health. I have no freaking clue what it is like for people suffering from all sorts of diseases and disorders. Yes, I had years of battling with fibromyalgia, but that was years ago and I don't think I ever felt so weak. I am grateful for whatever this sickness I am having now because it is making me so present to what I have in my health and what a lot of people don't have in theirs.

I am still eating random foods from my usual. Consisting on baked potatoes, breads, and pasta (gluten-free). I want to have veggies, I wish I had a juicer here. That would be easiest, I think. I am afraid of eating greens, thinking it will cause my stomach more work, but I don't know what is best anymore.

I am so happy that I am at my mother's home and that I don't need to be anywhere else. I am grateful to not have work or responsibilities right now because staying in bed all day is what is happening and I am at peace with that. I have the time to let it run its course.

Even though my body is moving at a much slower pace, my mind still keeps busy making things up. For instance, it goes into wondering who my true friends are. After all, only a few have actually checked in to see how I am doing. I mean, I am pretty sick and they don't even text?!?!?!?! WTF? But then, I call myself out and know that they are not sitting around all day like I am. They are as busy as ever. Also, I really don't want to talk, since I don't have much energy and since I am blogging and tweeting they can see I how am doing. So, it is quite funny. Such an active mind. But really it doesn't matter. I choose to love, love, love, love. Whether, I feel it is rightly reciprocated or not. I love big and I have my own way of loving, as each person does. These ways of loving don't all look the same. I can not put expectations on other's love. I just choose to Love. To Be Love.


  1. hope you get better soon.


  2. I love your Be Love tattoo Tricia.. Is really cute and delicate!

    Well I'll be still here, sending you my good vibes from Brasil, Ok?!.. And even if I'm not one of those lucky friends(also busy friends).. You can be sure I love you and I care about you as much your Friends do!

    You're so right about each person having it own way of loving.. I haven't noticed it till today! And You're right, we can't expect things from other people's love!

    But we can Love, anyway! I chose to love everyone that makes a difference in my life and you do Tricia. With all you inspiring words! I'm grateful for having you in my life.. even from far away! You light me up!

    Ana Diegues

  3. My heart goes out to you! It's so hard to be still when you're normally such an active person, both mentally and physically. Sending you love and wishes for a very quick recovery!

  4. said you werent turning your phone back on!!!!

    i wish i could fed ex you some juice and a smoothie. I bet brothy soups would be the best for you right now...bread and all that starchy stuff is hard to digest, using more energy on breaking down food, than using it to help you recover. stick to foods in their simplest forms. I just read that raw isnt the best in the winter, but soups and cooking veggies is great.

    hope you feel bettter real soon!!

  5. a few days ago you updated that you were turning your phone off, of course people aren't calling, silly. because they DO love you! besides we have enough love on our own full blast to fill in the voids where others are slacking :) don't let your belly pain weaken that knowledge.... I hope you can feel all the healing, loving, gentle, flowing energy being sent your way. you are loved!

  6. :( hope you feel better soon.
    being sick is no fun at all. get PLENTY of rest chica. ♥

  7. Sometimes I feel like anybody cares about me while I'm just a lovely person with them, and yeah, I know everybody have their own ways to love but it has to be reciprocate... Don't know...I think it's a great topic to analize...

    Maybe is just that we play that function in our society, we love to have beautiful details with all the people or we have a lot of love to give that we can't silence it...


  8. I hope you get to feeling better soon.

    When I was in the Peace Corps, medical always made us eat Bananas, Rice, Applesauce (which is hard to find outside Nairobi), Toast, and Tea with tons of water when we would get parasites. After eating that for a few days we would add steamed or boiled vegetables. Just remember to listen to your body. If you feel ready for veggies, then slowly add some in.

    Get well soon and rest a lot.

  9. Beautiful! I came across your blog when Jason posted that you were off to live the dream. What a joy it is to see you living the dream - in all of it's truest ways, bumps and bruises, and change of plans. I'm so sorry to hear that you are ill, but have faith that perhaps your body simply needed to request for additional love.
    In the name of additional love, I'd love to tell you about the most exciting project getting ready to launch: NoMoSolo.
    If you would allow me to tell you about it - simply to spread the love - i'd be soo grateful! Would you drop me a line at
    Huge Love,

  10. Tricia, have you been to a dr and what are you taking? If you have parasites, then it's my understanding that antibiotics are not the correct treatment. You need to have the parasite identified and then take an anti-parasitic drug. This would explain why you aren't getting any better. Also, eating a proper diet and drinking tons of water are important. Please see a dr. if you haven't already - this sounds pretty serious. Of course, if you have fibromyalgia, that doesn't help either! I have it and everything hits us harder I think.
    Love and Hugs to you - I hope it's better very soon. xoxo

  11. I love your reminder to be thankful for our health, even when we're not working at 100%.

    At 23 I found myself spending a week in a hospital because of a blood clot. At the time I paid no heed to the seriousness of the clot in my leg or my lung due to ignorance honestly. I was out of the hospital when I found out that what I had gone through could have killed me, and all I could think was how grateful I was that I was healthy, walking, breahing! I am better for that experience, and ever so much more thankful for my good health.

    This experience has served you well. I hope for a speedy recovery, much needed rest, and reminders that you are loved.

    Thanks for sharing with us :)

  12. You have truly been my joyologist for the past year, thank you so much.

    I also want to let you know that back in November I decided to get a BE LOVE TATTOO (:
    Jason and you have been a great inspiration to me, theres no words to explain how grateful I am to be able to read your blogs and for Mraz's music, thanks a million.

    Heres the link to my tattoo,

    BE LOVE, Berenice.