Sunday, January 17, 2010


Alright, so I am going to move to San Francisco and yes! I will be there for February as crazy as that sounds. So I thought I still have a few weeks, I might as well go visit around different places in India. The places that were on my penciled in list. I started to organize my time and route and then do I really, honestly care about going to see any of these places? Or am I just going because I am here, so might as well. Honestly, like I said earlier, I have done enough traveling. I don’t want to do it. As amazing I am sure all those places are, they are not calling to me. So, I went to an Internet shop to start my search for flights home. Where to? San Diego, LA, Santa Ana airports? But, I really kind of want to go home to see my Mom in Cincinnati. So, I look at all of the above and realize that my mileage with such a last minute booking is not enough. I can buy more mileage or look at kayak, orbitz, expedia and on and save that mileage for later. The prices are quite hefty and the Internet starts to phase out, so I log off and go for breakfast.

As I am walking along the cliff in Varkala, I am suddenly overwhelmed with tears. I WANY MY MOMMY!!!!!!! Like, FOR REAL! This is huge for me. I often say “mommy” out loud when I am feeling ill or sick, but not really wanting her; it has just become my word of exhaustion. Even a few days ago at the Ashram, when I was ill, I kept exclaiming “mommy”. I actually, explained to my bunkmate that its not that I really want my Mom. I really never call her when I need anything. I even went on to tell her that since my Dad died last year, I have been having a hard time wanting to be with or needing my mother. This is all true and I am not proud of it. It is something that is very hard for me. I do love my mother, but something really shifted to a weird place when my dad died. As if I was making sure that she didn’t get his love too, now that he was gone. Like, she better realize how much I love him! I have no freaking clue really what the source of it is. I have even talked about my mother issues in three different workshops that I attended this year, but had yet to resolve it.

My friend Conor, wrote to me "India! The Motherland!” when I embarked on this trip. So maybe that is what the motherland gave to me. She gave me mother back. The want for my mother back. The need for my mother back. All I want is to be in my mother’s arms right now.

So, I went back to the Internet and worked diligently to find a flight to Cincinnati. I thought I would look for Thursday out of Mumbai. I can catch a train to Mumbai, spend one night there and then go. As, I am searching for flights I here others discussing how hard it is to book a train. That they fill up weeks ahead of time and also I think, I really don’t care about being in Mumbai, even for one night. So, I give up on using miles and search for the Trivanundrum airport that is nearby. I can just stay here, by the beach for another few days and then fly out. But, you know what I am so overcome with wanting my MOMMY that I want to go now! So, I end up booking a flight leaving in less than 24 hours! I leave Trivanundrum at 5am tomorrow, so I will probably need a rick-shaw driver to drive me there at 2am.

And….I really don’t think that spending $1000 to give my mom a hug is so bad! I guess that is what my yoga teacher training was!

Mommy, here I come!


  1. Miss T.
    Remember me?The "red glass heart" lady from Boston?
    Now that you've spent time in India I am sitting here wondering how in the world I can get important info to you so you can "get out" some of the "bad" you breathed in while you were there.
    I know, everyone is an expert and everyone is a skeptic.But working in cancer research at Dartmouth - I know what I am talking about.
    I am not a crazy person, I have no hidden adgenda, but I do have info worth hearing.

    Listen to your heart (remembering it is a "red heart" that initially connected us) and then if you feel pulled to hear me out -no strings attached - then call or email me.

    Far too many of us are dying needlessly of cancers and other horrific dis-eases of our bodies. The scientists KNOW the cutting edge info, but it takes FAR TOO LONG to get it into the hands of those who need it, and BIG PHARMA has a vested interest in us NOT getting this info.
    The fact is there is no going back to a chemical-free, toxin free world; we are far beyond that point. And although everyone thinks they already know what is out there to know, unless you've heard what I have to say then you don't have the latest info.

    MissT, you have a bright Spirit. You exhale honestly about your experiences. Frankly, I can say exactly why I am drawn to keep trying to get this info to you - but I am. I am not seeking out to be your life-long friend, don't want anything from you except a bit of your time...because something keeps pushing me towards you to make sure you hear this info. Once I can hand it off to you then I feel this "thing" that has been pestering me will leave me alone.

    Follow your heart. That is what I am doing in reaching out.
    505-205-3373 mobile (you can read info and clinical trials here-but there is more I would like to share with you.

    What IF this info I share with you means YOU can save a life? What if your knowing it could buy someone their life back or 6 months more with their family?Would you trust a stranger?

    Our world has become far too cynical, and that just breaks my heart since we are saving lives daily (yes, I realize how unlikely that sounds)- Coming from such a "normal" science geek like me - those words are almost unheard of; but they are true. This is REAL, and all I want is to hand it off to you, nothing more.
    What IF?
    Blessings on your journey no matter what you decide.
    Oh, and about your mother- great blog.MY precious mom died 12 years ago (at 56 years old) and I miss her every day like it was yesterday! Even when our mom's drive us crazy - our world is never the same once they are gone. Hug her often!

  2. Tricia, this post is so honest and real. I wish that you and I both had the time for me to bore you with a commiserating story, but I'm off to meet my own mother for lunch...

    Have a good trip back to the true motherland: as problem-ridden, difficult, and conflictive as she might be, she is the mirror of you, and you of her.

    Your yearning is fundamental and sacred. It makes me happy that you are honoring it. I know how difficult that can sometimes be.



  3. welcome back to the US and make sure u get that parasite checked out...start your new life healthy...great blog...great spirit...great person!!

  4. how weird...when I posted this last comment I had to identify a word to log in...the word was "mommy"....freaky!!

  5. Congrats on the move to the Bay Area. It is my FAVORITE area in the world (I could be biased...)

    And a hug from mom is worth more than any number of miles.

  6. a mom, I'm in tears.

    Forgive me, I'm compelled to say this:
    Take a moment to feel it, the joy you've given your dad...allow that to resolve everything. You are loved.

  7. I am sure your mommy will be so touched to see her baby!... We all want our mommy at 'those' moments... regardless of how old we get.

  8. Somewhere in Peru, someone read this in her itouch while leaving a movie theatre. Wherever you are in the world right now: i wish you the best. Home is where the heart is. Clearly, your heart (which talked loudly these past days!) missed home. Receive my love wrapped around one online-ish bearhug :)

    let the adventure begin!!

  9. Tricia
    I knew for a long time that I had something missing in my life. Never fully knowing or acknowledging what it was and how to find it. Recently I've been realizing one thing I truly have been needing is myself. Belief and love for myself. I had thought the big dreams I had were just for my imagination. These dreams could never become reality for me and would never be reasonable goals that I could reach. Now I start new each day and make the best of it moving forward one step at a time. Slowly erasing all negative habits and replacing them with only positive thoughts and goals for myself. Reassuring myself every day how much I am worth and that I CAN accomplish any dream I want If I work hard enough for it.

    You are truly an inspiration for me recently as I've been reading your posts. Helping me take a step back and appreciate all I have around me. Reminding me that I can live my life the way I want to live it. That I too can find adventure and love in every corner of this wonderful world we get to call home. Waking up everyday with the desire to make the best of it and not let anything, anyone or myself bring me down. I believe in myself now more than ever and
    my world is now a better more positive place with help from inspiring loving people such as yourself and your friends like Tristan Prettyman and Jason Mraz. I am grateful to have the privilege and ability of reading your writings. I look forward to reading and learning more as I’m sending the love, gratitude and positive ways of life to those around me.

    My father died June 26 2009 after being hit by a car crossing Colerain avenue here In Cincinnati. This was a street he frequently walked across despite the fact that he was legally blind. Even after all of our warnings over the years that his sight would one day get too bad for him to continue to do this on his own. My family and I went through a lot of anger at first along with many other emotions that comes along when you lose someone. Getting mad at him, the car and ourselves. For me some of that anger I took out on my mother. All in silence though as I asked myself continuously why she continued to let him cross that street by himself every weekend. I wanted to blame anyone or anything I could but once I realized there was no one to point the finger at including her I felt incredibly guilty that I could even blame her for what had happened. For now I have since moved back in with my mother and am thankful for every minute I have to spend with her. I know I won't live with her forever and I plan to move out on my own again in August but I will never take for granted ever again being able to hug her and see her face when I tell her that I love her.

    I hope that you have more than a few amazing hugs with your mother here in Cincinnati as I do everyday. Oh and by the way good luck in San Fran! I am Jealous! :)

    Teena Marie