Saturday, January 23, 2010

free of what I "know"

I am quite aware that I am comfortable making requests, large and small, without much thought. I am always ready and open for a big fat “NO” to be handed back to me. Often, I have so many ideas that by the time a person even gets to an email with a request from me, I have moved 6 times past that in another direction. So, my friends may be overwhelmed with requests by me and they may struggle with the easiness of saying, “no, that doesn’t work for me”. When, I forgot I have even asked for anything at all. My mind is always working, coming up with new idea after new idea. I am also incapable of sending one really thought out concise thought. I will end up using three emails, two texts, and a phone call to cover one thing. I write things as they come to me and hit send right away. Then, maybe remembering something else 5 seconds later that goes with it. This is me. Of course, I hope to work on this, but I am happy to just be aware of this quality of mine. I am so grateful to be able take criticism or observations of myself and listen and to know. I love that I can laugh at myself and the thoughts that come up for me and the actions I take.

I move at the speed of light sometimes and I love it. How can I expect others to keep up. A freedom dwells inside of me that only I can know. I can make up ideas about what I believe dwells in my loved ones, but I will never know their root. We all have so much history from our interactions, our schooling, our upbringings, life in general that knowing one another to me is miraculous. I often feel as if I have known someone all of life after only sharing one laugh with them. It just feels good, feels right and maybe that is all I need. It usually is, but it is crazy to think what knowing someone actually may mean. The words, “I thought I knew them”, are often spoken or thought to oneself, but since we only see life through our own filter, who is it that we know?

I love it. It makes me laugh. All of life. It really is so simple, but we can make it into so much. I am grateful to be able to watch myself, my thoughts, and my actions. I am not perfect. I don’t aim to be. I like to clean my slate often, to take a breath and laugh it all away. I am aware that I let go of things and ideas about others and myself often, but that does not mean that the other person is doing the same. They have their own junk, their own cleansing breaths. We each operate at our own pace, which may change by day or by minute. So how can I judge, when I really cannot know?


  1. do you ever think to a certain extent that being grateful and being satisfied observing oneself excuses one from the fact that impulsiveness (for example) may not always be a good thing?? where does growth and development of a person interact with the ideation/philosophy of self love and gratitude? i ask this honestly.............. no flame intended. thx.

  2. I never said being impulsive is a good thing. That is what you make up about me and what I think and who I am. Of course I hope to/plan to evolve, but I also am not going to get mad at who I am now. Or who I was yesterday. There is always growth. Being grateful to me does not mean settling or staying still, neither does self love.
    Thank you for your words!

  3. Miss T,
    What I "project" about you - from my sense of you, what you say, what you share - is you are a love/light source delightfully disguised as a human. You are willing to be transparent (so few are as willing), you are open, you exhale yourself without edits. I respect this. I am grateful for the people with this light-ness and courage.
    Rock on, Sista!
    Exhale yourself!
    Never under estimate the goodness of your "ripples".

  4. Just read your previous post (working backwards) and see you are still dealing the "bugs" from India.My last trip to China I came home with these YUK bugs. I know you've heard from me before about this and you have not yet chosen to let me "gift" you some information which could really help...but I will keep gently offering this gift with no strings attached. Please remember elimination of the symptom is not the same as elimination of the dis-ease. You have been in one of the most holy, yet most polluted parts of the world. With pure intentions I extend an offer to share with you some efficacious, all natural way to get these bugs gone AND also to get out the other yuk which could translate to dis-ease down the road.
    This is an open invitation.
    As you stated in this blog post - you make a request, and sometimes (?often times) people say, "No". But I also know that "No" just means "Not now". So, like a monk sitting quietly outside the door waiting - I am here if your "No" becomes a "Yes,I am willing to listen".
    Not being known does not stop the truth from being true. ;o)
    Not impossible - but rather, "I'mmPossible.
    In Light,

  5. "where does growth and development of a person interact with the ideation/philosophy of self love and gratitude?"

    I love this question.

    There is nothing more painful and more static (lack of growth) than self-abuse. Self-abuse is holding onto the judgments of others and twisting them into your own. When you let go of the self-judgments, positive growth is inevitable...because you let JOY in...and that stuff is like Miracle Grow (organic, of course! :)

  6. Ha, ha! Similarly, I have millions of ideas and things to be passionate about flying around my mind! I feel like I can't keep up with myself sometimes! I love it :)

  7. I've been updating myself with your last posts and it's surprising from the outside to see that you already came back!
    You spoke your mind very well so there's nothing to say about your motivations. I just wanted to say that something similar happened to me when I "moved" to Berlin for life and I was coming back home to Barcelona three months after, homesick, missing my people, my places and myself in Barcelona, but happy to have known such a great city and to have opened such a big door in my mind.

    Sometimes we think it's going to take us a long time to learn something but surprisingly takes us a super short amount of time, and once we've learned what we had to learn in the places e go, it's better to keep moving. There are more things waiting to be learnt in other places. Like a friend of mine once said: "There are always new places waiting to welcome me".

    And here's a gift, hope you like it: