29

Today is my Birthday. 29. Yeow! That is pretty crazy. I really have no qualms about being 30, it doesn’t really seem that old these days. But, the number does seem big, like refined. Much different then saying I am 25 when out on tour doing monitors for a legend like Dolly Parton. That got attention, that caught people by surprise. 30 seems like yeah of course, someone of that age could accomplish anything. But, I guess not really. If I hear of a business owner, especially a big business, under the age of 40 I am still pretty shocked. When I was growing up I said that I wanted to be married and with kids before I was 30. My mom had me when she was 30 and I always thought she was so old compared to the other mothers and I wanted to be a young mom. Now, looking back though, I can barely remember any young mothers, only Jessie Duffy’s who had 6 younger siblings!

I do feel ready to “settle down” now. I lived most of my previous years taking advantage of all the time I had. I traveled with work and then kept traveling on the off time. I went to places that I wanted to do and planned trips on my own. If I wanted to go somewhere I didn’t wait around to find someone to go with me. I went, I did, I saw, I lived. I have to be honest, it has been pretty freaking rad. I drove across the country taking my time to visit friends and national parks and cities I wanted to see along the way. It was a 3 month adventure with a stop in Cincinnati to be with my family between thanksgiving in Christmas. I went backpacking in Costa Rica for a month and learned to surf there. I went to Bali on my first yoga retreat, that was also a spa pampering retreat. I got the most amazing massages in my life and hiked through rice fields. I went to Thailand and took a chakra healing workshop. I visited two Caribean islands on tour with Natalie Cole to play at jazz fests and made sure to book extra days there for myself. In St. Lucia the room even came with its own butler. Ive had stays in Kahuai and Maui. I hired a rock climbing guide in Joshua Tree because I have always wanted to rock climb but didn’t know anyone in California that did it.

Anyhoo. I have lived a grand life so far and I can not imagine having a family already, as I had dreamed that I would. Like I said, I do feel ready to settle now.

Such contentment. Listening to one of my best friend’s music, who I met just a year ago today (Miss Tristan Prettyman), wrapped in a cozy sweater that was sent to me by an amazing , inspiring new friend from her store in Spokane (COCO), sitting at my new 3 piece table and chair set sipping my hot water with lemon, staring out onto my balcony with the door cracked to hear the sounds of the ocean. Once again, tears are rolling. Its so funny because I always feel happy. I always enjoy life, but I just feel like I cracked open some secret passage way to pureness, to pure happiness and contentment. I don’t feel rushed to do anything. I find so much pleasure in arranging and re-arrranging my things to fit just right. I don’t get angry with myself or make myself wrong for anything. I am not setting limits on myself.

After getting sick and eating odd things (for me) I planned to really crack down and set rules and limits for myself when I felt better and was in my new place. A few people I know were participating in 30 day yoga challenges, so I decided I would make up my own challenge. I would run/walk for at least an hour everyday, as well as do yoga and surf. I would set a certain nutritious diet for myself and not drink any wine. I would kick my butt back into gear after being sick and motionless for almost a month. But now I feel like restricting myself and ordering myself to do all of these things doesn’t suit me right now. I want to choose to do these things naturally everyday not force myself to do them. Most of it is things that I do naturally choose to do, but I feel that if I set these limits I am bound to fail and then make myself wrong. Like, I generally choose to not surf the day after a big rain as the water is more polluted, so in following my challenge would I have to risk my health to meet my guildlines? I want to choose going for a walk/run each day because I want to feel strong and healthy and active not because it is something to check off each day of my challenge. I want to choose to do yoga each day because it clears my mind, opens my heart, and stimulates every part of my body and soul not because I have to. I also think that if I want to have a glass of wine tonight, great. I like wine. I think I always will. That doesn’t mean I need to drink it every night, but when I want it, I want it and I can have it.

It is 9:16am now. I rolled out of bed, started the kettle, washed my face, brushed my teeth, used my tongue scraper and netti pot then made my lemon tea. I set up my laptop on my new table (I still haven’t received my desk) and then made my bed, realizing I was not getting back in as I thought I would. I immediately felt like typing. When I looked at my phone upon waking I had 7 texts and 17 facebook messages already and I as I sit here they just keep rolling in. You got to love facebook if for no other reason then the birthday wishes! Each one that comes in makes me smile. Even though there is a little note on the bottom of each person’s home page saying it is my birthday and I even commented last night that I was going to be 29 in a few hours. It still is gratifying for them to take 30 seconds to wish me a happy one..

My desk just arrived! Looks like I have a new project for my morning. Yoga class? Maybe not. Alright the desk is set up. I just need to find a drill to finish attaching the top, but I am currently sitting at it with my printer, scanner and ipod stereo all set up on it. I kind of beat it up, not realizing what the lock/unlock bolts were for. I was using a cross bar to beat the two legs together, then gave up and later realized that I just had to turn the bolts to unlock and then the would fall together…oops. Just some minor damage was made. At least it will always make me laugh when I see those imperfections. And then the step stool was delivered that I mainly ordered to put my feel on while using the toilet for proper bowel releasing (sorry, but it's true...look into it). But I do actually have some kitchen storage that is up high and even a tall one like me needs a little boost to reach. So, I put that together.

It is now 11:14 am. I am still in my pajamas and have yet to eat anything. I am getting pretty hungry, but keep thinking of things to write so keep putting it off. Just now as I went to sit back down to type at my new desk I eyed my Mandyhoop and took it for a spin. Oh the fun, the freeness, the laughter of hooping. How perfect for a little break. Ok, I think I do need to eat because now I am forgetting everything I wanted to write….brain shutting down….need fuel.

I put on some quinoa and started the kettle again to get some mate in me. Then my rocking chair called out to me. How lovely to sit with my knees bent in, feet on the edge of the chair, rocking back and forth with shut eyes and the sun gleaming down on me. I love that I just want to write, to write it all. It is just everyday life for me, but I love it. I keep thinking will people want to read this? I mean who cares it is just some girl living her life, but this is what I want to write and to tell. Maybe by me sharing all the moments of my day, people will pay more attention to their own?

I finally got out at 1pm to take a beach walk. As soon as I got out there I feel like running. I want to resist, thinking that I am not in that good of shape to try, but my body was calling for it. So, I start up a jog and it feels amazing. The sun is shining bright, the tide is high, and I am almost alone on the beach. Once again, I am overcome with such happiness that I start to tear up. I am running in my barefeet down the beach that I am living on. I am taking the day in stride, taking care of things, taking care of myself and moving at my own pace. Everything I could dream of I am living. I feel great running, my breathing and body are working with me and I realize I am almost to the pier, which is a mile away. I decide to make that my goal to run to, but also tell myself it is okay if I don’t. I make it to the pier and feel great, but slow down to a walk anyway. I am more used to walking, and I quite enjoy it. I want to soak it all in. I then switched back and forth between running and walking, turning around halfway to Manhattan Beach. There is a little girl driving her pink Barbie jeep in the sand and it just lights me up! So adorable!

When I get back from my run, I grab all of my Energy Muse jewelry to cleanse and recharge in the Ocean. Heather had written to me instructing me to do this and set new intentions from the ones I had made before India. I think, what a perfect thing to do on my birthday. I realize though that none of my intentions really had anything to do with India. They were my intentions for my new life starting on my own, following my heart, and trusting abundance and the universe. I still like the idea of setting intentions for my new year and recharging the stones for my new place in the world. I forgot to write my intentions out and I did not premeditate them. I just picked up one piece at a time, walked it to the ocean, thought of an intention and then held it under the passing waves. All the intentions are based on the same that I originally intended, although I didn’t write those down either, so I am not certain. I do know they were quite similar.

I come back up and jump in the shower to get ready for Tina to pick me up for our Santa Monica dinner plans. I get ready quickly, this being the first time I broke out dressier clothes, makeup, and my hair straightener since I have been back. When Tina got here, I make her come up to see the newest additions in my studio. I am just so proud of it.

Then we are on our way to Gina’s house in Santa Monica. Crazy that the three of us are all living here now, after meeting in the Columbia College dorms 11 years ago! We make a quick stop at Gina’s and then walk on over to my favorite raw restaurant, Juliano’s. I am super hungry and feeling almost drunk. I don't know why, maybe because I am active again?

The food, the drink, the company, the conversation are all amazing and after almost four hours at Juliano's (my former joyologist employer and still super friend) stopped in as we are finishing our dessert and so we continue our casual dining experience) we head home. When Tina drops me off she asks me if she needs to come up again to see my place, haha. I tell her she is off the hook this time and head upstairs. I drop off my bag, slip my shoes off and then head back down stairs. This time to the beach access door. I had spied swings on the beach a little ways down from me on my first beach walk here and that is where I am headed! I feel a little crazy padding down the sand alone in the dark. The fluffy sand makes me feel like a drunk person stumbling to stay upright. I make it to the swings and spend some time relishing this childlike freeness. I lean back and drop my head, I pump my feet, what a joy swinging is.

So, this is what 29 looks like? I am A-OK with that. Bring it 29.

Bliss

This morning I woke up a little sore and not wanting to get up at 7am so I laid in bed just a bit longer, even if I wasn't going back to sleep. As I was cozy in bed I said outloud, “I love you comforter.” It made me giggle. I checked the yoga schedule for the closest studio and found a class that didn’t look to easy or to scary for 9:15am so I planned to go to that. I haven’t really wanted to go to this studio, but it’s the only one that is in easy walking distance. The class was perfect! It started slow and then built up. At the beginning I kept saying to myself, “I love yoga” I was almost having an orgasm. Being led through a sequence is just such a different experience for me than leading myself. I feel like I fully surrender with someone else guiding.

I walked back home after class taller and stronger. By the time I got back it was almost time for me to leave again to pick my friend's car to go see a guy about a bicycle. It was raining but I actually love the rain and my Lululemon running jacket was perfect with the hood up to keep me from getting soaked (I am against umbrellas after living in Chicago and continously almost getting my eye poked out by them). I got to Tina’s café and took off to pick up my new bike. I was certain I would be coming home with one. As I was driving, I could feel some soreness in my muscles, soreness from use, and it felt good. A feeling of contentment passed over me and I thought, “I am so happy!” and then I immediately started to tear up. Soon I was sobbing, and I just loved it. I love emotions.

at home

I woke up this morning and rolled out of bed saying, “Goodmorning sunshine, Goodmorning ocean.” It feels so good to just roll out of bed whenever I want and start the tea kettle and have a liitle bit of a routine. I am so happy just doing my dishes and wiping the countertop clean. Keeping it clean for myself. Having a studio makes me want to keep it spotless at all times. I want my little space to shine. Everytime I brush my teeth or use my netti pot I wipe down the sink with a sponge after. I have made my bed everyday. I have never been a religious bed maker. I have arranged my space to be separate “rooms”. There is the kitchen, a dining area, the office, bedroom, bathroom, outdoor balcony and changing room (walk-in closet) with plenty of space for yoga and hula hooping. All within 325 sq. ft. If you come over, I will gladly give you the grand tour.

I am back to drinking hot water with lemon in the morning. This used to be my daily practice, I even remember searching out the complimentrary coffee stands in the hotlels I was staying to just get my hot water and lemon. They usually had lemon for the tea drinkers. But, this practice was forgotten by me for at least the last year. Its funny that the first morning here, that is what I went for. I had not made a plan to start drinking it again, I just woke up and was like “Oh, I have lemons, I can just do that.”

There is a cement block dock right next to the door from my building that opens on to the sand. I immediately thought, “ohhh, I can do yoga there!” So this morning that is just what I did. Most of the block had a big puddle on it and it was all sandy, but it was still a nice level spot for me to lay my mat right facing right into the ocean. I have barely done any yoga at all recently. I got really sick and was too week to do it and then once I got some strength back I just could not motivate myself as my health was still not up to par. I thought, “I will start up again when I get back to California.” Then I got here and was shuttling around, helping my friend with her store and just not creating the time and opportunity to do any. Then I thought, “ As soon as I get into my place I will start again!” Once I got in though, I was so focused on making the place mine by arranging and searching out the perfect items and the perfect placements that I once again forgot to create time. This whole time I consistenly looked up schedules for all of the studios near me, but I would dismiss the classes for fear that they would be too fast or too strong for me right now, since I haven’t been practicing regularly. So, this morning I did it! I got out there and even when my feet started to freeze up I kept going. It may not have been a super long practice, but I did what my body was calling for and I did it in the fresh sea air, with the sun shining down on me.

Then I came in and broke out my Omega juicer! This machine has not been powered up in forever! I often tell myself that it is too much effort to use, so I don’t. I used to juice everyday. I even brought the juicer on tour with me when I was doing sound (pre-joyologist days) and had the production manager advance my veggies for me on the rider so that they were waiting for me at load-in. My favorite combo is romaine, kale, green apple, lemon, and ginger. It is the perfect balance of sweet and spice with out being overly sweet and you get all your greens without the “green” taste. I remember making combos of carrot/beet/apple/ginger/lemon for others on the tour that liked to dabble in heathfulness but were not able to withstand the greens. On one show day in Chicago, the promoter was trying to cheap out of a lot of things on our rider, but our production manager leaned into him and the next thing I knew they were delivering me the biggest bag of carrots I had ever seen. There was no room for me to take the carrots along to the next city so I went to work juicing that bag of carrots and then walked around the venue offering fresh carrot juice to the employees as they were setting up to open doors. I don’t think they expected that from the touring production crew.

My main must do for today was to get my taxes out to my accountant. I want to see that reiumbursement check (I hope) as soon as possible. The post office is maybe a mile away, a nice stroll on foot. I had forgot how much in touch you are with your surroundings when you are on foot. I paused to look at menus and glance into store windows as I walked there and back. Places that I have passed many times in the last few years when I was in this area, but was now seeing everything with new eyes.

I stopped in a local surf shop, one that I had visited before just to look at the apparel, to buy a surf leash and wax for the used board a friend gifted me. One of the shop boys asked me if I was doing all right, so I went ahead and asked him if I was getting the right length of leash and if it was cool or cold wax season, now. I kind of felt like a dumb-ass asking these questions, because wouldn’t a surfer know the answers? I make up that the surf world is an exclusive club and they make no room for beginners. I always have to overcome fear when getting in the water, fear not for the water, but for what people who may see me will think. It’s pretty silly, because every surfer was a beginner at some point and the only way to get better is to keep doing it. Anyhoo, the guy was super friendly and did not kick me out of the store for asking such a “stupid” question. When he checked me out (my purchases, not me) he took my credit card and said, “Are you Tricia? Nice to meet you.” At first I was thinking, “UM, yeah I’m Tricia, is this your theft screening? To ask the customer if that is their name?” I left the store and then realized that he was probably just being nice and introducting himself to a fellow a surfer (me) in that way. Regardless of why he asked me if Tricia was my name, it made me feel welcome in my new neighborhood.

So many people were out on foot, bike, rollerblades, you name it. There were groups of super fit girls and guys at the volleyball courts, kids playing in the sand, people just out and enjoying the sun. I really feel at home here. Yes, I was already familiar with the area because of my friend’s coffee shop (Planet Earth Eco Café) but just because you are familiar with an area does not mean it is for you. Well, this place and I are getting along very well.

in a dream

Today is Sunday, I have spent 3 nights in my new place so far and I took my first shower here this morning. I bought new towels and wanted to wash them before I used them and didn’t get around to until last night. Although I am sure that I was purposefully putting it off in case I found towels that I loved more. I looked at a lot of towels before I chose those. They are a nice purple (my new signature color which happens to symbolize abundance) and green (the color of the heart chakra), woven out of bamboo and cotton. Now, I just need to find a bathmat that suits them and me. (Later in the day I found the perfect one on www.etsy.com made from old t-shirts, towels, and other materials).

Back to the shower, it is perfect! The head is at a high height that stands well above my tall self and the pressure was amazing! It got hot super quick, which is great as I don’t have to waist water waiting for it to warm up nor freeze myself in an effort to conserve water. Yay! I was wondering about how the pressure was going to be in my head all week.

For the first time I am really wanting a bathrobe and slippers. Maybe it is because of my hotel-like vibe here in my little studio. I used them all year on tour in the various hotels that we visited across the world. I often even joked with myself that I needed to be rating the different robes and that I could be earning extra cash acting as a travel reviewer for various things. My favorite robes were the shorter types, hitting just around the knee area with sleeves that hung between elbow and wrist. I even remember commenting to Jason in one of our last hotels stays that I had found my favorite robe. He advised that I go visit Toca (our percussionist)’s room and snag his robe to bring home. But, I thought I would be away in India and Bali for months on end and could not see myself lugging the robe around with me. Maybe I will start calling each hotel that I stayed at and quiz them about their robes, to find that one that I stated was my favorite.

I still can not believe that I am really hearing the ocean as I sit here typing or as I lay in bed. It feels like a dream. The last few times that I came through the garage I opened the door to the beach before heading up the stairs to my apartment. Just to take it in. I see it from the window at the top of my stairs but I just wanted the full view, air and all.

Active

I just got up to pour myself some Mate and paused to do some stretching because I just feel so tight. I little cat and cow to start. I realized that I was just moving through the motions and not really feeling it or breathing. It brought me back to trying to open the door to the car I was borrowing the last few days. The key doesn’t work on the driver side, so my friend told me to open it from the passenger’s side and then reach over. Easy enough. Then she demonstrated that you have to fiddle with the key a little bit on the passenger side for it to open. No problem. Except that on the second day that I was borrowing the car that side completely stopped working too. I would try for 5 minutes, standing in the pouring rain, trying to get the key to work. After the first 30 seconds or so of taking the key in and out, I would start to stress. So, I took advantage of this time by breathing. Yes, I am always breathing if I am alive, but I haven’t really been taking conscious breathes lately. I have barely done yoga and when I was it was more like ok let me do a pose that will alleviate tension in my shoulders or hips. I wasn’t actually taking time in any poses and I was not breathing in them. So, I took some deep inhales and exhales in time with pushing the key in and out. Still couldn’t get the door open. Annoyance. Okay, how about some acknowledgement? I proceeded to acknowledge the car and the door for all of the work it was doing to get me where I needed to be and so on. Still nothing. So, I found myself giving up and opening the back hatch and climbing through to the front, popping back out the front door, closing the hatch and then returning to the passenger seat. This really wasn’t too hard as the back seats were folded up and away since I was moving stuff in and out of the car. As the day went along, I had to shift my purchases around to keep an open path for myself to walk through. It was quite amusing. I kind of imagined myself jumping into some magical portal.

The car door got me thinking about things people just get used to so they don’t get around to fixing or changing. My friend told me that the key has never worked in her driver side door (she bought the car new). I believe that she took it in to be fixed when it first started acting up, but then I guess when it started to happen again she just gave up. She has owned the car for 6 years. Yes, she leads a busy life as I am sure almost everyone says about themselves and it takes a chunk of your own personal time to get things like these attended to and we just don’t have that kind of time. In reality the time it may take could be making a phone call to the car dealer (5 min. max?) and then dropping the car off and picking it up later. Which means you actually have to make a request of someone else to give you a ride or you have to spend some of your precious free time sitting in the waiting area. These days most dealerships are conviently located next to malls and other shopping areas and some even have free wifi in their waiting areas. So, why do so many people put these things off? I guess money comes in the picture too. Who knows how much they will charge to fix it. But. Like I said this silly car door experience really got me present to all the things that gets pushed aside to deal with later. None if it is life or death and yeah, we have better things to do with our time, but why not just deal with it and get then you won't have to deal with it anymore.

I remember early last year putting little notes around my living area to remind me to live life fully. One of them read, "WHY PUT OFF DOING WHAT YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW?" This reminded me to do little things like clean up after myself, send out an email, fix things, all sorts of things. So why not, just do it now?

an Adult

I am moved in!!!!! Well mostly. I ordered some furniture online, so even though it isn’t here I have picked it out and purchased it. Hopefully, I like it in person. If not I am sure I will find something else. I went to San Diego on Wednesday to collect what was left of my belongings and got my keys on Thursday afternoon. I had a packed car as I had also made stops along the way shopping for household items I don’t possess. It’s funny because I got rid of so much stuff a few months ago and now I am shop, shop, shopping away for stuff. Different stuff though, I did not own any of the household items that I am now buying. The last time I had a place of my own was 4 years ago. Since then I was on tour, in hotels, subletting at friends furnished homes when they were away, and just traveling. The house I moved into in 2008 was already fully stocked and furnished. In fact, I barely even changed anything in the bedroom I occupied. Actually, I have never really decorated any room/home that I have lived in since I left home at 18. I never hung anything on the walls and really never bought furniture. Okay, that is a lie, I now remember when I got my first place of my own my senior year in college in Chicago I bought a ton of clear plastic picture frames from the dollar store and decorated a whole wall with photos of various landscapes from trips I had taken, but that is it.

Now, I find myself being overly particular about everything. I am not settling on anything. I have visited endless websites and at least a dozen stores and have yet to purchase a bath mat, a carpet for my feet as I exit the shower. I mean really? I have seen so many and they are all fine, but something in me is holding out for that very special bath mat. This is so hilarious to me! I keep having flashes to moments last year when visiting friend’s homes and thinking, “WOW, they are such adults!!!!” It was so crazy for me to imagine having a fully furnished home full of things that they had picked out and arranged to their liking. So, yesterday as I was shopping and dismissing bath mats I thought, “I am so adult now.” HAHA.


I feel like I am in a dream. I can hear the ocean right now as I type, I can hear it in bed, I can hear it always. It catches my attention often and I stop and think, “Wow, I am hearing the ocean.” Today I walked down my stairs and into the sand to take a walk barefoot in the sand. I crossed the path of a lifeguard and stopped him to ask him about surf spots nearby. He told me that the water directly behind my building was one of the best spots. I mean, really? Seriously? I can just run down the stairs from my studio with board under arm and paddle out right there???!?!!!??! I have just arrived in heaven!


All of the things that I had wanted for India and Bali are mine right now, right here. I wanted to have a bicycle as my primary transportation, to do yoga, surf, have my own space, learn to run, and to write. Done, done, check, check, working on it, and happening!

lost and found.

I am here. I am in Hermosa. My new home for now. I have yet to move into my place (1 more day!), but have been staying at my best friend's who only lives one block away from where I will be. I did not even know that when I secured it. I went to see my place in person yesterday. So far I had only seen pictures and heard second hand about the building and my future studio. It really is right on the ocean, the closet building to the sand, with a beach access stairwell that drops you no less then 10 ft. from the the water. Amazing. I won't have a ocean view, but I can hear the ocean from my spot and just need to turn my head a bit to see the waves from my balcony.

I am so anxious to move in and to have my belongings with my and to create a little space of my own. I am excited for little things like buying toilet paper and dish soap for my bathroom and my kitchen. I am excited to arrange where I will keep the towels and the cups. I am excited to be able to wake up at 5 am and start my VIta-mix without being afraid of waking anyone. I honestly have no idea what I am doing I am just so ready to be still. I don't how long that feeling will last as I have had it before and within a month was itching to be back on the road again. Of course, this time is different, every time is different, every moment is different.

You know I feel like I am in a bit of jumble lately. Not really sure what is going on or what is happening next, or even how I got here. But, I am content with the jumble and as I sit and observe the people I see in passing at cafes and stores I see that I may be more at peace with where I am then all of these people around me. People that seem like they have stability. People with schedules and plans, people with families and careers. A lot of them seem a lot more lost than me. Of course that is my perspective and that is what I am making up, but it just makes me want to be with them and let them know that everything is okay. Everything is more than okay. We are all in this world together, figuring it out the best we can. So lets just enjoy it, right?