Today is my Birthday. 29. Yeow! That is pretty crazy. I really have no qualms about being 30, it doesn’t really seem that old these days. But, the number does seem big, like refined. Much different then saying I am 25 when out on tour doing monitors for a legend like Dolly Parton. That got attention, that caught people by surprise. 30 seems like yeah of course, someone of that age could accomplish anything. But, I guess not really. If I hear of a business owner, especially a big business, under the age of 40 I am still pretty shocked. When I was growing up I said that I wanted to be married and with kids before I was 30. My mom had me when she was 30 and I always thought she was so old compared to the other mothers and I wanted to be a young mom. Now, looking back though, I can barely remember any young mothers, only Jessie Duffy’s who had 6 younger siblings!
I do feel ready to “settle down” now. I lived most of my previous years taking advantage of all the time I had. I traveled with work and then kept traveling on the off time. I went to places that I wanted to do and planned trips on my own. If I wanted to go somewhere I didn’t wait around to find someone to go with me. I went, I did, I saw, I lived. I have to be honest, it has been pretty freaking rad. I drove across the country taking my time to visit friends and national parks and cities I wanted to see along the way. It was a 3 month adventure with a stop in Cincinnati to be with my family between thanksgiving in Christmas. I went backpacking in Costa Rica for a month and learned to surf there. I went to Bali on my first yoga retreat, that was also a spa pampering retreat. I got the most amazing massages in my life and hiked through rice fields. I went to Thailand and took a chakra healing workshop. I visited two Caribean islands on tour with Natalie Cole to play at jazz fests and made sure to book extra days there for myself. In St. Lucia the room even came with its own butler. Ive had stays in Kahuai and Maui. I hired a rock climbing guide in Joshua Tree because I have always wanted to rock climb but didn’t know anyone in California that did it.
Anyhoo. I have lived a grand life so far and I can not imagine having a family already, as I had dreamed that I would. Like I said, I do feel ready to settle now.
Such contentment. Listening to one of my best friend’s music, who I met just a year ago today (Miss Tristan Prettyman), wrapped in a cozy sweater that was sent to me by an amazing , inspiring new friend from her store in Spokane (COCO), sitting at my new 3 piece table and chair set sipping my hot water with lemon, staring out onto my balcony with the door cracked to hear the sounds of the ocean. Once again, tears are rolling. Its so funny because I always feel happy. I always enjoy life, but I just feel like I cracked open some secret passage way to pureness, to pure happiness and contentment. I don’t feel rushed to do anything. I find so much pleasure in arranging and re-arrranging my things to fit just right. I don’t get angry with myself or make myself wrong for anything. I am not setting limits on myself.
After getting sick and eating odd things (for me) I planned to really crack down and set rules and limits for myself when I felt better and was in my new place. A few people I know were participating in 30 day yoga challenges, so I decided I would make up my own challenge. I would run/walk for at least an hour everyday, as well as do yoga and surf. I would set a certain nutritious diet for myself and not drink any wine. I would kick my butt back into gear after being sick and motionless for almost a month. But now I feel like restricting myself and ordering myself to do all of these things doesn’t suit me right now. I want to choose to do these things naturally everyday not force myself to do them. Most of it is things that I do naturally choose to do, but I feel that if I set these limits I am bound to fail and then make myself wrong. Like, I generally choose to not surf the day after a big rain as the water is more polluted, so in following my challenge would I have to risk my health to meet my guildlines? I want to choose going for a walk/run each day because I want to feel strong and healthy and active not because it is something to check off each day of my challenge. I want to choose to do yoga each day because it clears my mind, opens my heart, and stimulates every part of my body and soul not because I have to. I also think that if I want to have a glass of wine tonight, great. I like wine. I think I always will. That doesn’t mean I need to drink it every night, but when I want it, I want it and I can have it.
It is 9:16am now. I rolled out of bed, started the kettle, washed my face, brushed my teeth, used my tongue scraper and netti pot then made my lemon tea. I set up my laptop on my new table (I still haven’t received my desk) and then made my bed, realizing I was not getting back in as I thought I would. I immediately felt like typing. When I looked at my phone upon waking I had 7 texts and 17 facebook messages already and I as I sit here they just keep rolling in. You got to love facebook if for no other reason then the birthday wishes! Each one that comes in makes me smile. Even though there is a little note on the bottom of each person’s home page saying it is my birthday and I even commented last night that I was going to be 29 in a few hours. It still is gratifying for them to take 30 seconds to wish me a happy one..
My desk just arrived! Looks like I have a new project for my morning. Yoga class? Maybe not. Alright the desk is set up. I just need to find a drill to finish attaching the top, but I am currently sitting at it with my printer, scanner and ipod stereo all set up on it. I kind of beat it up, not realizing what the lock/unlock bolts were for. I was using a cross bar to beat the two legs together, then gave up and later realized that I just had to turn the bolts to unlock and then the would fall together…oops. Just some minor damage was made. At least it will always make me laugh when I see those imperfections. And then the step stool was delivered that I mainly ordered to put my feel on while using the toilet for proper bowel releasing (sorry, but it's true...look into it). But I do actually have some kitchen storage that is up high and even a tall one like me needs a little boost to reach. So, I put that together.
It is now 11:14 am. I am still in my pajamas and have yet to eat anything. I am getting pretty hungry, but keep thinking of things to write so keep putting it off. Just now as I went to sit back down to type at my new desk I eyed my Mandyhoop and took it for a spin. Oh the fun, the freeness, the laughter of hooping. How perfect for a little break. Ok, I think I do need to eat because now I am forgetting everything I wanted to write….brain shutting down….need fuel.
I put on some quinoa and started the kettle again to get some mate in me. Then my rocking chair called out to me. How lovely to sit with my knees bent in, feet on the edge of the chair, rocking back and forth with shut eyes and the sun gleaming down on me. I love that I just want to write, to write it all. It is just everyday life for me, but I love it. I keep thinking will people want to read this? I mean who cares it is just some girl living her life, but this is what I want to write and to tell. Maybe by me sharing all the moments of my day, people will pay more attention to their own?
I finally got out at 1pm to take a beach walk. As soon as I got out there I feel like running. I want to resist, thinking that I am not in that good of shape to try, but my body was calling for it. So, I start up a jog and it feels amazing. The sun is shining bright, the tide is high, and I am almost alone on the beach. Once again, I am overcome with such happiness that I start to tear up. I am running in my barefeet down the beach that I am living on. I am taking the day in stride, taking care of things, taking care of myself and moving at my own pace. Everything I could dream of I am living. I feel great running, my breathing and body are working with me and I realize I am almost to the pier, which is a mile away. I decide to make that my goal to run to, but also tell myself it is okay if I don’t. I make it to the pier and feel great, but slow down to a walk anyway. I am more used to walking, and I quite enjoy it. I want to soak it all in. I then switched back and forth between running and walking, turning around halfway to Manhattan Beach. There is a little girl driving her pink Barbie jeep in the sand and it just lights me up! So adorable!
When I get back from my run, I grab all of my Energy Muse jewelry to cleanse and recharge in the Ocean. Heather had written to me instructing me to do this and set new intentions from the ones I had made before India. I think, what a perfect thing to do on my birthday. I realize though that none of my intentions really had anything to do with India. They were my intentions for my new life starting on my own, following my heart, and trusting abundance and the universe. I still like the idea of setting intentions for my new year and recharging the stones for my new place in the world. I forgot to write my intentions out and I did not premeditate them. I just picked up one piece at a time, walked it to the ocean, thought of an intention and then held it under the passing waves. All the intentions are based on the same that I originally intended, although I didn’t write those down either, so I am not certain. I do know they were quite similar.
I come back up and jump in the shower to get ready for Tina to pick me up for our Santa Monica dinner plans. I get ready quickly, this being the first time I broke out dressier clothes, makeup, and my hair straightener since I have been back. When Tina got here, I make her come up to see the newest additions in my studio. I am just so proud of it.
Then we are on our way to Gina’s house in Santa Monica. Crazy that the three of us are all living here now, after meeting in the Columbia College dorms 11 years ago! We make a quick stop at Gina’s and then walk on over to my favorite raw restaurant, Juliano’s. I am super hungry and feeling almost drunk. I don't know why, maybe because I am active again?
The food, the drink, the company, the conversation are all amazing and after almost four hours at Juliano's (my former joyologist employer and still super friend) stopped in as we are finishing our dessert and so we continue our casual dining experience) we head home. When Tina drops me off she asks me if she needs to come up again to see my place, haha. I tell her she is off the hook this time and head upstairs. I drop off my bag, slip my shoes off and then head back down stairs. This time to the beach access door. I had spied swings on the beach a little ways down from me on my first beach walk here and that is where I am headed! I feel a little crazy padding down the sand alone in the dark. The fluffy sand makes me feel like a drunk person stumbling to stay upright. I make it to the swings and spend some time relishing this childlike freeness. I lean back and drop my head, I pump my feet, what a joy swinging is.
So, this is what 29 looks like? I am A-OK with that. Bring it 29.