Today after my re-committing to myself and to my India, as I wrote about in my last blog I got a text from a friend asking if I was okay. I found that funny. What did she think I was freaking out and had a melt down? I did’t get it, although I appreciate her concern. I am just choosing to be more authentic with everyone around me and to live my life more powerfully. Which right now means saying No more often to people and invitations. Also, someone commented on that blog that she understands I'm traveling through a somewhat tormented and indecisive period. Really? I don't feel tormented in the least bit. I feel freer then ever. I am not calling myself indecisive either. I am living and deciding day by day moment by moment and I do have many commitments they just revolve around me. I guess if the label for that is indecisive than cool, you can call me that. Then another friend just called and asked, "So what do you do all day just hang out and exercise?" She didn't understand what I am doing all day, with no obligations and no one to answer to, but I do have obligations and someone to answer to...ME. She made me realize that I don’t think of anything I am doing as exercise. Sure, today included biking to a yoga class and to run errands, a jog on the beach, and a surf session. Those things do qualify as exercise, but to me it is heart-opening, soul-soaring, and connecting with myself and the world around me.
I got to exercise my NO today and it feels so amazing and powerful to be honest enough to say NO and to not need to pad my response or feel the need to apologize for it.
Here is a brief disclaimer about me.
I don’t lie. I don’t bullshit. I don’t play games. I don’t pussyfoot. I am who I am and that may change from day to day, but I don’t hide it. I am not afraid of change. I am not afraid to say that I am wrong or to apologize. I am not a spiritual guru. I am a living, breathing soul here in the world. I am not better than you. I am not right. I am a girl living life and learning from life.
JUST BE WHAT YOU ARE, WHERE YOU ARE.