Thursday, March 11, 2010

an open window

So, there is a boy that I have had a crush on for months and I have finally started to communicate with him on a regular basis. I call him my pretend husband and he loves it and began to call me wife. We share a fondness for each other. For what we stand for in life. For our commitment to honesty and many other things. I love this man and he is certainly handsome. Could this be a love connection? We hung out last weekend and had so much fun. We were flirty and have been in constant communication since. I was getting excited about the possibility of a "real" relationship with him. At the same time I was half over it. I needed clarity, are we both just naturally flirty, fun beings or is this something more? So, this morning I asked plain and simple to my pretend husband, “Do you only have interest in me as a friend or something more?” He responded that I was his super duper friend. Cool! Thank you! Moving along!

I was excited to have the possibility of a love interest, but at the same time I wasn't set on it being him. But he is cute and nice AND fun, I told myself. I started to have feelings this week that he was turning into a brother, with all of our fun banter and teasing back and forth. I thought, "there I go again, making hot boys into my brothers". I have so many gorgeous, amazing boy friends that I love to the end of the earth, and now I have another, GREAT! HAHA. I almost wrote him off. Oh, this isn’t going anywhere more than friends? Well your rad, but I am all filled up on rad friends. Thanks for applying, I will contact you when I have an opening.

I have definitely been guilty of having this thought before and not just with possible love interests. I have a ton of AMAZING friends, I don't need to meet you. I am at capacity, I already have too many "best" friends to count. Sure I will say hello, allow an introduction, but I really don’t care who you are. But, then of course I do get to know this someone new and I am blown away. I almost never knew that person?!?!??! I almost turned my back to them? I never know who is going to touch my life. Who will inspire me. Who will be my next partner in collaboration. Who will be my soulmate and not just in the romantic way.

We are a planet of amazing beings. People that I may think I have nothing in common with may be my best friend just waiting to be discovered. They may expose a part of myself that I never knew existed or had any desire for, but shortly after meeting them I can not imagine my life without. Even if I share only a singular conversation with someone, they effect me, they inspire me.

I will never be full on friends! I am committed to keeping my windows cracked to welcome undiscovered brothers and sisters in to my life. Come say hello to me, I will open myself up to you and be receiving for you to open up to me.

(just not on facebook, i keep that private to people I already do know...hahha)


  1. I just wanted to thank you for your blog. I found it about a month ago & it is SO inspiring!

    I feel as though I could have written today's blog, so I thought I would drop a comment and show my gratitude for your words... and your open heart... the way you write is touching & finding out that someone else out there feels the way I do about guys & crushes & friends is something I needed today... awesome! :)

  2. I guess I should've gone up to you at the Stronghold last night to say hello after all! It just seemed like you were having so much fun engaging with people who already are your friends and I didn't want to interrupt your good time. :) Next time, I'll know that the window is cracked!

    It's awesome that you were so direct with your pretend husband. I have always tried to do the same and find it so freeing.