Thursday, March 4, 2010

with this energy through thick and thin

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night because of noises, my bladder, discomfort, etc and have this very strong feeling that someone is here in the room with me. It brings up fear immediately. Is there an intruder in my room? The feeling of another’s presence is so strong. I know that there really can not be anyone here in my room, there is no intruder. Is it spirit, then? The air feels so thick that I am afraid to breathe. Since my father passed in March of 2008 I now immediately equate this heavy feeling of presence to him. Dad must be here. Is everything okay, Dad? Have you come to warn me of something? Are you okay? Are you content?

I mean the feeling, the energy, that I wake up to is so heavy that it feels as if a private meeting of the dead, with both good and bad energies, is being held in my bedroom. That they are discussing what the next turn of events in the world will be. It is so eery that I am afraid to move. I know that I am okay, that I am protected, that the spirits are not here to harm me, but God, does it feel strange. I pull the blankets tighter around me, making sure that each part of me is covered, sealed in, and find a pillow or anything within reach to squeeze tightly.

I have to get up. I have to use the bathroom. It’s okay. I can do it. I am safe. These spirits are good. All is good. I am afraid to get up. I am afraid to close my eyes. I am afraid to keep my eyes open.

All of these thoughts, these feelings come up in the time span of 60 seconds, but thinking back to it, I imagine it as a full length feature film. I feel blessed to have those experiences, even if they are quite fearful for me. I want to call someone right now to share this experience, but I don’t know who. Does anyone else have experiences like these? Who will understand? I want to call my sister or my aunt and talk about my Dad, but do they have time? Do they feel like I do? Do they feel these supernatural connections like me? I want to have an actual conversation about it, not for the person on the other line to just listen and be like oh, wow what an experience for you, I really need to go run errands now, talk to you later. Will anyone get it? Does anyone really get me? How can I be so grounded and connected to reality, yet one with the divine and the spirits that surround me? How can I truly trust the powers of the universe and manifestation, yet still be a responsible, money-managing, unemployed, bill-paying citizen? How can I be living what others see as a hippy dippy life, but not feel hippyish at all?

I am who I am from one moment to the next. I am with spirit. I pay my taxes. I know that everything happens for a reason. I like to read I am love’s perfect expression. I am a potty mouth. I am all about being eco and hybrid cars. My dream car is the older Mercedes SUV that resembles a mail truck (not a hybrid). I miss my Dad terribly. I have no fucking clue what I am doing next in my life. I am perfectly content with myself in all of this. Who am I? What category do I fit in? Preppy? Stylish? Hippy? Trendsetter? Beach Bum? If you really want to know, I am the definition of Tricia Lee Patricia Huffman. Thank you spirits for clearing any confusion up. Is that what you came to tell me?


  1. Goosebumps...I soooo get this! It is a very really feeling, you are so right "heavy" is a great description. I have the same reaction from time to time and wonder what it is.
    One of my best friends had a recurring "visit". she had given birth to a baby that has special needs (pretty severly) and was having a hard time coming to terms with it. Whenever she would be in his room feeding him or rocking him at night she would feel a presence of 2 people. She would even call out thinking someone was there. a little bit of time past and she grew to accept her new life with a child that will need life long care and finally, when she embraced it the "visitors" were gone. She is very spiritual and feels like it could be future children making sure she is ok with everything or guardian angels for her son, she isn't sure...I know it sounds crazy. It took a lot of strength for her to tell me just as it has for you! You are not crazy, infact you are very in the moment...
    Don't try to guess what or why or when just think of it as someone's got your back!

    Thanks for sharing!

  2. My grandma passed away in Oct of 2000, she and I were super close. my mom had me when she was 17 years old so my grandparents raised me. I am really close to my mom as well but my grandmother was my world. The day after she passed I woke up freezing cold, I held the blanket a little tighter and whispered 'it's so cold' and right at that moment I felt the coldness slip away as if someone was letting me go from an embrace. It scared me but at the same time I knew it was her so I began to cry.
    Even to this day I can still feel her when I need her. Sometimes I'll hear noises when I'm all alone in the house, the lights will flicker or sometimes I could swear I hear her voice calling me. I try and talk to people about it but they think I'm crazy. Maybe I am who knows. lol I have always been a little weird or so people say. haha. I am definetely different. Growing up and to this day my entire family has been into sports. Me - the odd ball was into choir, writing, photography, art...etc.. I was that little girl who would make up stories and put on plays for her stuffed animals and my cousins would walk in and through balls at me. lol but that's who I was then and still to this day. well I don't put on plays for my stuffed animals anymore. haha! but I am still the odd ball. It kind of bothered me when I was a kid but now I like it.. I like me.. I love me.

    back to the grandma thing, sometimes I'll ask her for help and a few days later I'll have a dream about her. weird?
    after trying to talk to people about it and them just looking at me weird I stopped talking about it to anyone and keep it all to myself. I just write it all down in my journal instead.

    love this entry. :)

    have a beautiful day Tricia. ♥

  3. Hey Tricia!

    Thanks for sharing, I completely understand the feeling of not knowing who you are, but at the same time understanding your role in life completely as a part of the infinite whole, it's just a feeling we all get, at least that is what i've found out lately, it is really strange and hard sometimes, specially if someone close to you recently passed away.

    Passed away where?
    I have this teacher who I love, that talks about it all, and his class is a life lesson, all of his students love him because what he brings into life is that same joy that you are spreading, and that currently i'm trying to spread to.

    He affirms that when somebody leaves this physical way of being, he or she is still being, our physical selves do not allow to see or even comprehend all that there is... and if there is a beyond. But that doesn't mean it isn't there right? I believe that if you're feeling this way at night, it is most likely because of your loved one, but it is also about yourself, lots of times our unconcious part sends this messages, to let our concious part know that there's something out there to do, to solve... and that is no reason to be afraid or back down, but the exact opposite, it is a reason to go on... and to know that you're being taken care of! always...

    Thanks for being

    really like your blog!

  4. Love your blog.

    Maybe you know that shamans keep playing the drum while they travel in(to) other worlds not only because its rhythm/beat helps them into a trance, but also because it grounds them so that they can travel safely and freely.
    The more grounded you are, the easier for your spirit to wander and experience things.

    Have a safe journey! :)

  5. Oh honey, I definitely "get it"! I often have these same experiences. When I first moved in to my very own place your Dad and Grandma checked in on me first it was a little scary and unsettling and then I realized that it actually made me feel very loved!!

    I never told you that a very dear friend of mine gave me a sterling silver bell on a cord and told me to ring it whenever I thought of your Dad and he would hear it...I'm not quite sure how that's supposed to work, but it was given with love. So now I find myself, either in times of sorrow or laughter, ringing that bell and sharing whatever it is with Tom!!

    And don't worry about who you are BEING LOVE....and you are loved!! I miss your face and your voice!

    I love you, Mindy