Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night because of noises, my bladder, discomfort, etc and have this very strong feeling that someone is here in the room with me. It brings up fear immediately. Is there an intruder in my room? The feeling of another’s presence is so strong. I know that there really can not be anyone here in my room, there is no intruder. Is it spirit, then? The air feels so thick that I am afraid to breathe. Since my father passed in March of 2008 I now immediately equate this heavy feeling of presence to him. Dad must be here. Is everything okay, Dad? Have you come to warn me of something? Are you okay? Are you content?
I mean the feeling, the energy, that I wake up to is so heavy that it feels as if a private meeting of the dead, with both good and bad energies, is being held in my bedroom. That they are discussing what the next turn of events in the world will be. It is so eery that I am afraid to move. I know that I am okay, that I am protected, that the spirits are not here to harm me, but God, does it feel strange. I pull the blankets tighter around me, making sure that each part of me is covered, sealed in, and find a pillow or anything within reach to squeeze tightly.
I have to get up. I have to use the bathroom. It’s okay. I can do it. I am safe. These spirits are good. All is good. I am afraid to get up. I am afraid to close my eyes. I am afraid to keep my eyes open.
All of these thoughts, these feelings come up in the time span of 60 seconds, but thinking back to it, I imagine it as a full length feature film. I feel blessed to have those experiences, even if they are quite fearful for me. I want to call someone right now to share this experience, but I don’t know who. Does anyone else have experiences like these? Who will understand? I want to call my sister or my aunt and talk about my Dad, but do they have time? Do they feel like I do? Do they feel these supernatural connections like me? I want to have an actual conversation about it, not for the person on the other line to just listen and be like oh, wow what an experience for you, I really need to go run errands now, talk to you later. Will anyone get it? Does anyone really get me? How can I be so grounded and connected to reality, yet one with the divine and the spirits that surround me? How can I truly trust the powers of the universe and manifestation, yet still be a responsible, money-managing, unemployed, bill-paying citizen? How can I be living what others see as a hippy dippy life, but not feel hippyish at all?
I am who I am from one moment to the next. I am with spirit. I pay my taxes. I know that everything happens for a reason. I like to read perezhilton.com. I am love’s perfect expression. I am a potty mouth. I am all about being eco and hybrid cars. My dream car is the older Mercedes SUV that resembles a mail truck (not a hybrid). I miss my Dad terribly. I have no fucking clue what I am doing next in my life. I am perfectly content with myself in all of this. Who am I? What category do I fit in? Preppy? Stylish? Hippy? Trendsetter? Beach Bum? If you really want to know, I am the definition of Tricia Lee Patricia Huffman. Thank you spirits for clearing any confusion up. Is that what you came to tell me?