whole

I am still pedicureless. It has been 3 months. I made up that I would give in and get one before the weekend’s yoga teacher training. I mean I will be barefoot all weekend with yogis from all over! I want pretty feet!

I started getting pedicures the same week that I started taking yoga classes, eight years ago. I couldn’t stand the sight of my unkempt feet each time my gaze passed over them. At the time I was living in Chicago, in college full time and working full time at House of Blues as a sound engineer. My toes were always covered, it was mandatory. Starting yoga was also the start of me looking at my feet. Before then I was not a lover of feet of any kind. I was totally one of those people that wore socks with sandals when I was growing up.

After my first pedicure, I was hooked, just as I was hooked to yoga after my first class. When I moved to San Diego in 2003 and went into car buying negotiations I would not budge by $1 because I told them I had made a budget of a certain amount for my monthly car payment and going over that budget by even a little bit would cut into my pedicure budget! Seriously, I attempted to walk out of the dealership three times because I was not giving in. If they were not giving me the deal I wanted, I was going somewhere else. I said, "I get it! If I can not afford this car, then I can not afford this car, but I am not giving up my pedicures or my budget, I will just go find a cheaper car". They ended up giving in and they even paid to put in a sunroof too as that was a must on my list, and I was not going over my budget to get it!

Anyhoo, I have kept pedicures in my life and in my budget all of these years and I have come to love my feet. In fact, I am now more often barefoot than with shoes, but I guess living in Southern California can do that to anyone. So, in the months since I have returned from India I have been battling whether to get a pedicure or not. I am conserving funds. I no longer have a pedicure budget. I have no budget, as I have no disposable income or more accurately, no income period. It's not that I believe that un-pedicured toes are disgusting and unsightly, I just got used to having these lovely groomed feet and I do like it. I attempted to give my feet an at-home grooming, but there is just no comparison, so I gave up on that.

So, the yoga weekend rolled around and yesterday on the last day I my eyes caught sight of my unpolished, ungroomed toes and I thought, “how beautiful!” It wasn’t a forced thought, like I am going to say positive affirmations to my feet so that they feel accepted by me (haha). It was a genuine expression of love, to my feet as they are. You may be reading this and rolling your eyes at me (which is totally acceptable) but this little thing was a huge realization to me. I am ok. I am perfect. I am whole. I am complete. Ungroomed feet and all! It doesn't matter what anyone else's feet look like. Right here, right now I am the same person with untouched overgrown cuticles as I am with perfectly groomed shiny toes!