childlike

I feel like a little kid lately.  I used to always feel so much older.  I used to always feel like I was 35.  I don’t know why I picked that age.  I now see that I always felt like I had so much to prove.  As a young, female sound engineer I often stood in the face of judgment.  Judgment from the musicians on stage, from stagehands, from co-workers, judgment all over (before they heard or saw my capabilities, that is).  It was not unusual for everyone else to be twice as old as me, even my stagehands, who I was in charge of.  Being young is one huge strike, but being a female and a girly one at that?  Wow, I was a walking bulls eye. 

I make up that is why I felt so old.  I was forced to hold myself tall and grow thick skin, whatever you got to throw at me I can take!  I may be a cute, giggly girl on the outside but A) I know what I am doing and B) I mean business.

Now, the more I learn and the more I come to see what I know, the more I get present to I DON’T KNOW SHIT!  HaHa!  I am no longer out to prove anything.  I do not need to prove anything to you, or to them, or to me.  Quite funny that from the ages of 15-28 I felt 35 and now at 29 I feel like an elementary school kid!  I love it.  Apparently others see this new youth in me too, as people keep asking me what I am studying in school (maybe because I am always on my laptop typing?).  Um, I graduated college in 2003!