I feel like a little kid lately. I used to always feel so much older. I used to always feel like I was 35. I don’t know why I picked that age. I now see that I always felt like I had so much to prove. As a young, female sound engineer I often stood in the face of judgment. Judgment from the musicians on stage, from stagehands, from co-workers, judgment all over (before they heard or saw my capabilities, that is). It was not unusual for everyone else to be twice as old as me, even my stagehands, who I was in charge of. Being young is one huge strike, but being a female and a girly one at that? Wow, I was a walking bulls eye.
I make up that is why I felt so old. I was forced to hold myself tall and grow thick skin, whatever you got to throw at me I can take! I may be a cute, giggly girl on the outside but A) I know what I am doing and B) I mean business.
Now, the more I learn and the more I come to see what I know, the more I get present to I DON’T KNOW SHIT! HaHa! I am no longer out to prove anything. I do not need to prove anything to you, or to them, or to me. Quite funny that from the ages of 15-28 I felt 35 and now at 29 I feel like an elementary school kid! I love it. Apparently others see this new youth in me too, as people keep asking me what I am studying in school (maybe because I am always on my laptop typing?). Um, I graduated college in 2003!