I really want to go to a friend’s housewarming partying in Venice tonight. I am participating in the AIDS LIFE CYCLE (http://www.aidslifecycle.org/) LA Day on the Ride tomorrow morning, a prep ride for the 645 mile ride I am doing in June. It starts in Santa Monica at 6am. So, I create a plan to ride my bike the 13 miles to Venice this evening, hang out for a bit, then bike on another 3.5 miles to another friend’s home in Santa Monica. I will spend the night there and be in the perfect location for my morning meeting spot!
BUT…. I am exhausted!!!! I got back from a 24-hour trip to San Diego around 5pm today and both my body and mind are tired! I have done a lot of physical activity this week and didn’t get much sleep the last two nights. I so want to go to the party and do the ride, but the logistics of getting there and getting ready for the ride are wearing on me. I want to make food to bring along for the ride, as what they have to offer (a veggie sandwich) won’t do for me. I want to make a super shake to have for the AM. I know that my body is up for the ride tonight and tomorrow, but my brain is going round and round in circles. I let myself chill for a couple of hours, take a short nap and a shower, and I still feel just plain tired! Also, I want to sleep in my own bed! I just want to grab a couple of spare hours from space and squeeze them in right now. I want more time to rest and prepare and then go to the party and onward. I could have come home from San Diego earlier, but I didn't. I was enjoying my time in my hood with my girls.
I really am not worried about the 65 mile ride, it is just the getting there! I want to ask for support but I am afraid to ask for a ride. Not for tonight, but to Santa Monica in the morning. As much as I want to enjoy the party tonight, I really want to rest more. One of my best friends offers me her car when I want it, but I just used it yesterday and I make up that is wrong too ask for it again. Another friend of mine is participating in the ride, too, but I don’t know where she lives and don’t want to inconvenience her so early in the AM. So, I won’t go to the party and I will just leave my house at 4am to ride 15+ miles to Santa Monica before the 65-mile ride. I am going to be doing those types of rides on the real AIDS LIFECYCLE anyway, right? But, I really don't’ think I need to do it tomorrow. But I will! But, I really want a ride...
I call myself into action, knowing that it will not hurt to make a request for a ride and send a text to my fellow cyclist asking for the possibility of a ride. She suggests meeting me at a location that is only 2.5 miles from my house! YAY! In the time that I have been deliberating I made a super quinoa veggie dish and a green shake for tomorrow. I have put out my clothes. I am ready to go! Suddenly, I feel amazing! My body is rejuvenated. I don’t have any soreness. I am wide-awake. I am stoked! I feel so good that I consider just going ahead and riding to Venice, now. Why not? I feel good. I can do it! But, I say no. I really want (and have wanted) to sleep in my own bed. I am giving myself this luxury. Yes, I can ride there tonight, but I don’t need to.
Maybe my body was sending me those signals of exhaustion, just to make me step it down a notch. Now, I get to go with someone, have myself and my stuff prepared, and I get to sleep in my own bed! And in the middle of me sorting all of this out I get an offer via twitter to come to Phoenix next weekend to participate in http://www.rideforthechildren.com/index.html a 65 mile bike ride to raise money and awareness for Phoenix’s homeless children. She offered to fly me out and fully support me. I checked my calendar, which just so happened to be clear and said YES!
Yes, I am up for big things. Yes, I know that I can push my body and my mind to do things. And Yes I do NOT have to do anything just because I can or because I told myself I was going to.
I feel great and that feels great. I must have done something right!