the unknown

I did not want to get out of bed at all today!  Last night, after writing several drafts of my Joyology proposal, there was a knock on my door.  It was two of my friendly neighbors asking me to come watch the sunset from their beachfront deck.  Minutes before their knock I had been crying reading over re-writes that I had gotten back from the trusted few that I sent the proposal to.   So, I said, “why not!  I will have a glass of wine and hang”.  These guys have knocked on my door several times and I have yet to hang out with them.  I actually had a really great time sipping on red wine and chatting away.  I told them all about my proposal and they were stoked for this made up service that I was offering. 

I had a couple glasses of wine, but didn’t feel drunk.  I hadn’t eaten dinner so when I got back to my place I foraged for food.  Alcohol makes me eat.  I don’t know if it is just a subconscious need to soak it up?  My kitchen is very bare right now but I came up with a concoction of nori, almond butter, and sauerkraut that was actually really good.  It was now 10 pm. 

I crawled into bed and turned on a movie instead of taking another stab at my proposal.  I ended up staying up pretty late and when I woke up this morning I did not want to budge.  I chose to let myself stay wrapped up in bed, and turned on another movie.  I was just not motivated to do anything else and I was getting real satisfaction in allowing myself to stay in bed and not write! 

I didn’t budge from my cozy bed until noon.  When I finally got up to use the restroom.  I was suddenly lit up!  I was stoked!  (I actually wondered if it was the power of dropping the kids of at the pool, if you know what I mean.) I was ready to take on my next draft of the proposal.  I printed out all of the previous drafts and embarked on a brand new one.  It was fresh and real, not forced.  I finished it and sent it out to my team of reviewers. 

I am overwhelmed once again with hope and faith.  I know that my life will work out.  I don’t know what that looks like.  I don’t know what that means, but I know that it will work out.

I trust the unknown.